With reports out of Phoenix indicating that Matt Barnes is close to an agreement with the Phoenix Suns, female season ticket holders are planning an impromptu protest at the team practice facility in Downtown Oakland tomorrow. Details are scarce at this late hour, but when reached for comment, a representative of Women In Powerful Praise of Energetic Defense (WIPPED) identified only as Lil’ Dub Fan, responded as follows.
Oh hell no. First Boom and now this? And Azubuike too? They don’t know who they’re messin’ with. I ain’t paying $2,500 a year to see who they got left. Somebody needs to get Rick Fox out of retirement or something.
This, in response to a report from the Arizona Republic that all but indicates that the be-tatted heartthrob is headed to the Valley of the Sun.
Free-agent forward Matt Barnes is scheduled to arrive in Phoenix Monday, expecting to sign a one-year veteran’s minimum deal with the Suns after completing a physical.
Barnes, 28, spent the past two seasons in a mostly reserve role with the Golden State Warriors. He collected a career-best 9.8 points and 4.6 rebounds in the 2006-07 season. Last season, he averaged 6.7 points and 4.4 rebounds in 19.4 minutes per game.
General Manager Steve Kerr and coach Terry Porter talked with Barnes by phone last week from Las Vegas, where the Suns were in NBA Summer League action. The team likes his shooting touch, ball-handling and big-game experience.
In his seventh NBA season, Barnes is expected to make $1.2 million, but the Suns will pay only $797,000. The rest will come from a league fund.
That giant sighing sound? Well, let’s just say that next year you gentlemen out there just got 50% more likely to be enjoying the game alone.
Newest Warrior, Ronny Turiaf, is set to at least partially fill the massive void in Warrior bearditude since the departure of Baron Davis. It is also clear from this photo taken during his stellar four-year career as a ‘Zag, that Turiaf is capable of putting up Ben Wallace-like numbers in the ‘fro department. For me at least, his patented chest-thumping after a made putback will just seem more, well, intimidating if paired with the coiffure seen above. The Beard he is not. But he is energetic, active, atheletic and big.
I readily admit that I didn’t much like him as a Laker, but maybe with the combination of blowout fro and full-court energy, I am willing to try. What say all of y’all?
It might tell you something about my competitive nature that I was motivated to enter a “Cookie Bake-off” at my work. I don’t even bake. I mean, I once baked some “magic” brownies in 7th grade, but that was a different kind of “bake-off.” No, tonight I’m trying to get all Martha Stewart on this ish.
I’ve decided to rely on pure creativity over any real baking skills. In fact, “Best Cookie Name” is a category in the competition, so I think I got a real shot at placing in at least that event. I first thought of creating a cookie called the “Boom Drizzle,” named after Baron Davis. It would be some kind of sugar cookie with a chocolate drizzled beard. Then I was thinking about baking the “Kelenna Azucookie” in honor of Azubuike. But then I heard the news that Kelenna just signed an offer sheet with the Clips and I kind of got sick to my stomach. Kelenna! Kelenna! (I just got all exclamative only because I wanted to use Gd’s fresh pic of Kelenna smashing on Kobe again. I’m not really that upset. Boom needs some Warriors to keep him company down there.) But seriously, why not just exchange our entire rosters for Chrissakes! I think there’s a reality show in there somewhere - “Team Swap.” Watch the hijinks unfold as Don Nelson calls for CJ Watson to come off the bench in the 4th quarter, and surprise…it’s Cuttino Mobley! Hilarious.
Oh well, I guess I’m stuck baking some Belinellis tonight. I think those are a type of cookie, right? I swear I heard that in the Sopranos - Carmela telling Tony that she made Baked Ziti for dinner and Belinellis for dessert. Or maybe I was just imagining that.
A couple of weeks back, we drafted Donté Greene in a mock draft conducted by our BFFs at WWOD. Somewhat more recently, Donté Greene had his summer-league debut. Donté Greene went for 40. Donté Greene was five for ten from beyond the arc. He also had a nasty alley oop and at least one tasty dime. Pretty much all of it was captured in this grainy footage. We’ve seen or heard some of the other reports. But, feeling smug for tonight at least, let’s conduct a wee poll.
So. Who’s having the best time in Vegas? The best Summer League ever? Well, on the hardwood at least. Now who? King Marco? Eric Gordon? Anthony Randolph? Or, just perhaps. Our would-be 14, Donté Greene? A couple more worthy Western Conference candidates are there too. As always, comments are encouraged.
No, “game theory” is not some regional offshoot of pimpology. Game theory is actually a respected branch of applied mathematics, where the application in question is frequently the social sciences. Given the seemingly inexplicable chain reaction that sent Boom Dizzle south, Elton Brand east and Corey Maggette north, let’s see what the smart guys might have already expected to happen. As commenter Skinny Kahuna noted last week, the way things played out is eerily reminiscent of the Prisoner’s Dilemma, a game-theory construct developed by a couple of pocket-protector wearing RAND Corporation employees back in the fifties. It goes a little something like this.
Two suspects are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, and, having separated both prisoners, visit each of them to offer the same deal. If one testifies (”defects”) for the prosecution against the other and the other remains silent, the betrayer goes free and the silent accomplice receives the full 10-year sentence. If both remain silent, both prisoners are sentenced to only six months in jail for a minor charge. If each betrays the other, each receives a five-year sentence. Each prisoner must choose to betray the other or to remain silent. Each one is assured that the other would not know about the betrayal before the end of the investigation. How should the prisoners act?
Even though cooperation would produce the ideal result, the “dominant” strategy, as it is known, is to betray. This is because it will always produce a guaranteed positive outcome. In this case, a five-year contract, I mean, er, sentence. No, I didn’t make that up. Read the Wikipedia entry for yourself if you like.
Now. The events of last week. Make the jump for a an interesting excerpt from the LA Daily News, courtesy of our new favorite source for Beard-related factoids Clips Nation. Read More »
This isn’t a particularly well-edited highlight of tonight’s summer-league win for the Warriors, but it’s enough to get the point across. For those without NBA TV, you’re missing out. Summer-league ball is sort of like watching some sort of crazy melange of YMCA dudes and future stars. One guy throws a three foot hook shot over the backboard and another guy is draining 40 footers at the halftime break. As for the latter, that would be Belinelli, the new king of summer league. Just like last year, he was big time in the small show. Bonus: this year, he’s sporting some manner of a “neard.” Perhaps it will fill in by midseason.
At 3:45 pm on July 9th, 2008, sports writer and blogger Tim Kawakami died in a classic battle of man versus machine. After 7 straight days of blogging fueled by Sparks Malt Liquor and a lingering contempt for Baron Davis, Tim Kawakami wrote his final post. Leading up to his battle with the NBA Trade Machine, Kawakami was feeling confident practicing his skills in the areas of capalogy, salaryology, and luxury taxology by speculating on various free agent scenarios for the Golden State Warriors. He considered his mid-level exception assesment of unrestricted free agent Gordan Giricek as one of his finest moments.
It was after The Golden State Warriors lost their bid for Elton Brand and committed to sign another former Clipper, Corey Maggette, that Kawakami decided he was ready to take on The Trade Machine. He’s always considered himself an amateur in the world of tradeology, and its more complex cousin, “sign and tradeology,” but the Sparks were kicking in and, in his own words, he was “feeling unstoppable.” Kawakami came out swinging:
“If the Warriors offered Al Harrington and a protected future No. 1 pick, and took back Crawford and the horrible contract of Zach Randolph, would the Knicks bite?”
The Trade Machine, emotionless, responded “This Trade Failed!” Kawakami didn’t give up and he returned with yet another trade, and another, and another. And on it went like this for 37 hours straight. In the end, like a blogging John Henry, Kawakami finally defeated the formidable Machine of NBA Trades with an unexpected trade of Kosta Perovic and C.J. Watson to The Denver Nuggest for Linas Kleiza. Kawakami collapsed, face down on his blood spattered keyboard. His last words were “Now, finally, the Warriors can have the rebounding, defensive-minded forward with a mid-range jumper that they so desperately need.”
Services will be hosted July 15th on blogspot.com. TK RIP
If you look at this lame mashup of an image in soft focus, it sort of looks like Mickael Pietrus is about to smash on Corey Maggette. Which roughly sums up my feelings about the early returns from “signing Wednesday.” Which is apparently sort of not unlike our category of “Hater Tuesday,” but without the sarcastic snark. Sure, everyone in Warriorland clearly felt that Pietrus had some rather monumental brain fades over his tenure, but he was kind of like the cute puppy peeing on the area rug. After a while, we got a bit irrational and acceptant.
This brings me to Corey. Now would be the diplomatic time to adjust my stance of the past couple of days, but I’ll wait until the Dubs win their 40th game with a healthy Maggette for that. Sorry, I’m still not pleased and I’m going to turn no further than the straight-talkin’, sharp shootin’ sideline Matt Steinmetz for some backup on this.
First off, Maggette is injury prone. He’s been in the league nine seasons and has played 70 or more games just four times in his career. Maggette’s body says Iron Man; his stats say Tin Man.
Maggette is a great sub, the kind of aggressive scorer you love coming off the bench. He has a shoot first mentality and is a mediocre defender at best. In other words, as a sixth man he’s great, as a starter he’s not.
Maggette has made it clear he wants to start and be a primary offensive option. But he’s the type of high-maintenance player who doesn’t make teammates better. In fact, because he doesn’t create much, there tends to be a lot of standing around when he’s got the ball on the perimeter.
Maggette has never played for a winner. His teams have missed the playoffs in eight of the nine seasons he’s been in the league. The one year a Maggette team made the playoffs was in 2006, when the Clippers made it to the postseason. That year Maggette played 32 games.
Corey Maggette at three years, $16 or $17 million or so … maybe. Corey Maggette at five years for $40 million? No way.
And that, ladies and gents is what one member of the Warriors’ broadcast team had to say. Wow. But the free-agent pains don’t quit. Perhaps just as sad for all of FTB’s new readers to the south, Elton Brand was pillaged from the Clippers tall ship by the 76′ers. Oy. No Brand and no Maggette. Don’t trip though, BD. Al Thornton is nice. But I digress. Former 76′ers owner Pat Croce loves pirates. He even owns a pirate-themed restaurant and museum. Coincidence? Not so much.
This is a bit sad, but Los Angeles, the pinnacle of evanescence, filled with its entertainment industry transplants, trustfund hipsters, Ed Hardy-shirt-wearing douchebags and invisible working poor has taught me something about civic pride. Never thought it would happen because I live in Oakland, and Oakland is like Detroit or Baltimore — a fiesty underdog city where every citizen has not so much a chip on his shoulder but a log. Everyone from Oakland is damn proud of it, and if they don’t have a tattoo that says as much, be sure they’ll let you know somehow. However, right now Oakland could learn something from Los Angeles (and I never thought I’d say those words).
See, I just saw this video from LA Times Sports columnist Bill Plaschke making an impassioned plea for Elton Brand to stay in LA, and I read another column, also in the LA Times and written by FTB friend Kurt Streeter, on the personal impact of the Seattle Sonics being herded away to Oklahoma City. Both these pieces speak to the importance that a sports team and their players can have on a city’s self regard. As we’ve overtly expressed before on FTB, and as naive as it might be, we believe sports to be a part of the public trust, something that unites a citizenry (which means a lot in a place like Oakland that is statistically the most culturally diverse city in the US). Although many are grown-ass men, true sports fans are kinda like Emo Girls. They feign cynicism yet are unable to avoid emotional investment, and thus, are perpetually heart-broken.
And I should know better than to think that any pro team has anyone’s best interest in mind but its own. In big-time sports these days, loyalty is a one-way street. It flows from our thinning wallets to the ever fattening ones of the pockets of owners, athletic directors and players.
-Kurt Streeter
That could be the verse to a “Dashboard Confessional” song with a few lyrical substitutions, right? Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the cynicism that I really hope Elton Brand and his agent have the heart to decide and stay put in LA. In fact, Elton Brand, why not shave off a few more million from your salary so The Clippers can keep Maggete too. Honestly, in the past I have only supported the Clippers because of their step-child status vis á vis the Lakers, but now, if Brand does the right thing and stays for less cash, I’ll support more than a team, but an idea. An idea that the city of Oakland, its leaders, its journalists and its basketball team could embrace. I know it’s only a few miles down the road, but dammit, where are the mainstream voices protesting The Fremont A’s? And where’s my Ron Dellums “Monta Stay in Oakland” video? I’m waiting Oakland, and in the meantime, I won’t be getting my hopes up, but secretly I will.
Welcome to the red, white and blue special edition. Apparently, not satisfied with making a super-sized offer to just one LA Clipper, he of the torn Achilles tendon, Elton Brand, now there’s another Clip allegedly on the Warriors’ list. And it’s a name I had hoped not to hear mentioned in the same breath as the word “Warriors” this summer: Corey Maggette. I’m not even sure I spelled his name right. That’s how little I want to see him suit up for the Dubs. There’s a reason everyone says that he should have stayed another year at Duke. Hell, some of us think he should still be there. And what am I missing here? Were the Clippers the ones in the title series two weeks ago? Is this some kind of dynasty being broken up? Adding Baron to the squad makes them lightweight nice, but do the Warriors have to go after every free agent of theirs in a vindictive vendetta-fueled haze? Yo, Mully, it’s not “Gangs of New York.” And memo to you and yours: I’m not sure that the rest of last-year’s Clips are that good.
This brings me to the fireworks.
Yo, Warriors. Hear me on this. If you go and blow your bankroll on Corey the Underachiever and someone coming off of a season in which they played seven games and ruptured their Achilles tendon, and then somehow fail to have enough in the old Schwab One account to re-sign Monta Ellis, I will mock your ineptness relentlessly. As in, unrelentingly. Without stopping. From now until next-year’s lottery. While very publicly courting a new hoops team to follow. Take these words lightly at your own peril. Because I have followed this team avidly, lovingly even, for more than 35 years. I can still name-check the last roster to win a title for you down to about ten places on the pine. But if I find out that Monta is a Grizzly because Mully, Nellie, Cohan and everyone else didn’t have enough perspective to see that there just might be some big-azz offers coming his way from the hometown squad, I am telling you this now. Two things. One: the soft fuzzy gloves with which I have talked about all things Warriors will come off. Two: I am quite likely to categorically refuse to root for two ex-Clippers, a couple of cats I remember and four rookies, while we start another 15-year rebuilding process.
But seriously. How in the name of Andrew DeClerq did you let this happen? Guys! Monday, you had a team that the Bay Area loved. Four days later, you look desperate as hell. And now we are turning our lonely eyes to goddamn Corey Maggette? All I can say is, this. Don’t get fooled again. Do what you can to keep what remains of the team that we enjoyed watching so much these past three seasons. How you perform your duties will determine how I perform mine. Today at least, I, unlike y’all, I am trying to perform them for something we can all get behind.
In service of freedom from the tyrrany of mediocrity,
Daniel Turman
PS. Props to Shahid for reminding me of the finest rendition of the anthem ever. And at the NBA All-Star Game, no less. Make the jump for the vid. RIP Marvin. Read More »
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