The Reebok “Framed” campaign went all YouTube the other day. They dropped the Baron Davis short film (above) to a somewhat confused response from the blogosphere. Perhaps that’s because the OG art of roller disco has suffered mightily in the intervening 30 years. So, in the interest of context, we at FTB offer you an opportunity to see where Baron stacks up in the pantheon of roller disco. First up, BD’s clip. Personally, he’s lightweight clean with it. But where on earth did he get that ‘fit, much less the moves? Well, now that you asked, we bring you the following.
Next up, a scene from the Earth Wind and Fire movie “That’s the Way of the World.” I personally remember being about 11 and trying to get with “September” at the roller rink in Hayward with disasterous results. These folks are getting it.
Which brings us to Rudy Ray Moore in “Disco Godfather.” Now, Rudy Ray is better known as Dolamite, but something is really going down in this clip. It’s almost NSFW, but dang, so was the entire time period between 1976 and 1979.
In Baron Davis’ latest post he threw down a most fearsome Fatwā. Creating a competition for “The Best Beard.”
No doubt, his beard skills are mighty. Commanding even. FTB has commented long and often on the seemingly superhero prowess of his whiskers. Lately, we have also noted a sizable expansion of said beard. Both in width and overall fullness. It certainly now meets (possibly even exceeds) Teddy Pendergrass levels.
As evidenced in our previous poll, much of the FTB community seemed to be leaning in the “fuller” growth direction (44%). But, beware competitors. Too much beard may not always be a good thing.*
I got a fever. Oh, I do. And it’s only going to be cured when someone smacks this douchenozzle directly in his extra douche-y-ass mug. I make little secret of this: I do not like me no Ron Artest. I do not like him in a car. I do not like him in a bar. I do not like him in the stands. I do not like his trade demands. I do not like him Sam I Am.
But seriously though, I love Marcus Thompson II and my daily fish wrap, the Oakland Tribune/Contra Costa Times/San Jose Mercury/Mid-Peninsula Somethingorother. But why, Marcus? Why would you possibly want to upset the Dubs’ talent base with Artest? He’s a proven force, but yet he is so uncontrollably douche-y that the bag of the douche is insufficient to represent his douche-y-ness, hence the douchenozzle sobriquet. Stephen Jackson already followed him up into the stands into infamy once, and two times doesn’t seem like a good plan for either of them. Moreover, just watching the chippiness on the floor tonight made me glad that I wasn’t at the Oracle trying to explain to my kids what a flagrant two would mean down the stretch (comments?). Frankly, I was surprised that there wasn’t a fight.
F’real though, anyone who would basically run away from getting the firkin’, farkin’ fark slapped out of them by Ben Wallace to go fight a 140-pound junior account executive seated in section 104 deserves to find out what the seventh level of douchenozzle hell looks like: to wit, a lottery season in Sacramento.
Anyway, my rant is almost out of gas, but to synopsize: Ron Artest should never, under any circumstances be rendered a Golden State Warrrior. In the event that this should occur, I am prepared to delicately retract some (but not all) of these statements in the interest of decorum, much as I did after Matt Barnes set me straight on the whole Webber thing. And for the record, Webber did much better tonight: more active, better passing and he put his nose in there for a couple of crucial boards. But no, no, no. No Ron Artest.
Turman
PS. Anyone wanna vote? Yes or no. Or, Whitney Houston style, “hells to the no.” Just the same, if the Dubs could reasonably acquire the aforementioned Mr. Artest, should we? Polls are open.
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PPS. Monta Ellis had a monster game. I’m feeling lazy so I’m not even going to bother to confirm it, but I believe it was a Jordan-esque 34 points, 7 boards and 4 dimes. Getting to the line down the stretch was massive too. To the future! Huzzah!
Earlier this season Baron Davis gave FTB “permission” to suggest some possibilities to him for his vaunted beard.
FTB, def glad you respect my grindin’ and the old skool style, ya dig. I may rock a design in the beard this year… Let me know what I should do. Lol.
We like a good challenge here, but we wanted to open up the discussion a bit and let the Dubtown constituency speak. Flush with a new polling tool on the site, what better way to open the polls than with one of some possible consequence? As election season swings into full gear, let’s get to the real issues. Like, what should Baron do with The Beard?
The all-star break is around the corner and we need to get The Beard on the right path for a monster second half and an epic playoff run. So get involved! And here’s your chance. Vote among several possible options for The Beard as we get ready for New Orleans and beyond. Picture “Hardwood Classics Baron” above with the facial-hair options listed below and then vote for the best choice for glory.
Three of these things belong together
Three of these things are kind of the same
Can you guess which one of these doesn’t belong here?
Now it’s time to play our game (time to play our game).
Stay tuned for some more “interactive polls”, sometime in 2008. Until then, you’ll just have to work with me and put your thoughts into the comments box.
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