With reports out of Phoenix indicating that Matt Barnes is close to an agreement with the Phoenix Suns, female season ticket holders are planning an impromptu protest at the team practice facility in Downtown Oakland tomorrow. Details are scarce at this late hour, but when reached for comment, a representative of Women In Powerful Praise of Energetic Defense (WIPPED) identified only as Lil’ Dub Fan, responded as follows.
Oh hell no. First Boom and now this? And Azubuike too? They don’t know who they’re messin’ with. I ain’t paying $2,500 a year to see who they got left. Somebody needs to get Rick Fox out of retirement or something.
This, in response to a report from the Arizona Republic that all but indicates that the be-tatted heartthrob is headed to the Valley of the Sun.
Free-agent forward Matt Barnes is scheduled to arrive in Phoenix Monday, expecting to sign a one-year veteran’s minimum deal with the Suns after completing a physical.
Barnes, 28, spent the past two seasons in a mostly reserve role with the Golden State Warriors. He collected a career-best 9.8 points and 4.6 rebounds in the 2006-07 season. Last season, he averaged 6.7 points and 4.4 rebounds in 19.4 minutes per game.
General Manager Steve Kerr and coach Terry Porter talked with Barnes by phone last week from Las Vegas, where the Suns were in NBA Summer League action. The team likes his shooting touch, ball-handling and big-game experience.
In his seventh NBA season, Barnes is expected to make $1.2 million, but the Suns will pay only $797,000. The rest will come from a league fund.
That giant sighing sound? Well, let’s just say that next year you gentlemen out there just got 50% more likely to be enjoying the game alone.
It might tell you something about my competitive nature that I was motivated to enter a “Cookie Bake-off” at my work. I don’t even bake. I mean, I once baked some “magic” brownies in 7th grade, but that was a different kind of “bake-off.” No, tonight I’m trying to get all Martha Stewart on this ish.
I’ve decided to rely on pure creativity over any real baking skills. In fact, “Best Cookie Name” is a category in the competition, so I think I got a real shot at placing in at least that event. I first thought of creating a cookie called the “Boom Drizzle,” named after Baron Davis. It would be some kind of sugar cookie with a chocolate drizzled beard. Then I was thinking about baking the “Kelenna Azucookie” in honor of Azubuike. But then I heard the news that Kelenna just signed an offer sheet with the Clips and I kind of got sick to my stomach. Kelenna! Kelenna! (I just got all exclamative only because I wanted to use Gd’s fresh pic of Kelenna smashing on Kobe again. I’m not really that upset. Boom needs some Warriors to keep him company down there.) But seriously, why not just exchange our entire rosters for Chrissakes! I think there’s a reality show in there somewhere - “Team Swap.” Watch the hijinks unfold as Don Nelson calls for CJ Watson to come off the bench in the 4th quarter, and surprise…it’s Cuttino Mobley! Hilarious.
Oh well, I guess I’m stuck baking some Belinellis tonight. I think those are a type of cookie, right? I swear I heard that in the Sopranos - Carmela telling Tony that she made Baked Ziti for dinner and Belinellis for dessert. Or maybe I was just imagining that.
No, “game theory” is not some regional offshoot of pimpology. Game theory is actually a respected branch of applied mathematics, where the application in question is frequently the social sciences. Given the seemingly inexplicable chain reaction that sent Boom Dizzle south, Elton Brand east and Corey Maggette north, let’s see what the smart guys might have already expected to happen. As commenter Skinny Kahuna noted last week, the way things played out is eerily reminiscent of the Prisoner’s Dilemma, a game-theory construct developed by a couple of pocket-protector wearing RAND Corporation employees back in the fifties. It goes a little something like this.
Two suspects are arrested by the police. The police have insufficient evidence for a conviction, and, having separated both prisoners, visit each of them to offer the same deal. If one testifies (”defects”) for the prosecution against the other and the other remains silent, the betrayer goes free and the silent accomplice receives the full 10-year sentence. If both remain silent, both prisoners are sentenced to only six months in jail for a minor charge. If each betrays the other, each receives a five-year sentence. Each prisoner must choose to betray the other or to remain silent. Each one is assured that the other would not know about the betrayal before the end of the investigation. How should the prisoners act?
Even though cooperation would produce the ideal result, the “dominant” strategy, as it is known, is to betray. This is because it will always produce a guaranteed positive outcome. In this case, a five-year contract, I mean, er, sentence. No, I didn’t make that up. Read the Wikipedia entry for yourself if you like.
Now. The events of last week. Make the jump for a an interesting excerpt from the LA Daily News, courtesy of our new favorite source for Beard-related factoids Clips Nation. Read More »
“Someone had to do something for the guy” said Clay Bennet, the owner of the former Seattle team now relocated to Oklahoma City.
“I just kind of felt sorry for him. Seriously, George Shinn, Chris Cohan, David Sterling, if no one is going to build a team around this guy, I will…even if he’s not, like, physically here.”
Bennet said that by naming their team, “The Oklahoma Barons” after Baron Davis, he could pretty much ensure that one day Baron (or at least a Baron) will win an NBA Championship, instead of sailing away into NBA obscurity with the likes of The LA Clippers.
“I got the idea back in 2001 when The Grizzlies were moving to Memphis, and I thought that they should change their name to ‘The Memphis Mutombos.’ I didn’t have a great reason for it, but I just really liked how that guy played the game.”
When asked about having an NBA Team named after him, Baron Davis responded,
“I’m honored and humbled that OKC would name their team after me. I would have thought we’d see The Jordans, The Chamberlains, or The Kareems first, buy hey, The Barons sounds pretty good, and I dig those Jerseys. Does my lawyer know about this?”
Bennet will also make a team policy that the players and coaching staff will grow beards in honor of Davis. However Kevin Durant’s agent has sent a letter to the team saying that his client will be opting out of the policy for “obvious reasons.”
At 3:45 pm on July 9th, 2008, sports writer and blogger Tim Kawakami died in a classic battle of man versus machine. After 7 straight days of blogging fueled by Sparks Malt Liquor and a lingering contempt for Baron Davis, Tim Kawakami wrote his final post. Leading up to his battle with the NBA Trade Machine, Kawakami was feeling confident practicing his skills in the areas of capalogy, salaryology, and luxury taxology by speculating on various free agent scenarios for the Golden State Warriors. He considered his mid-level exception assesment of unrestricted free agent Gordan Giricek as one of his finest moments.
It was after The Golden State Warriors lost their bid for Elton Brand and committed to sign another former Clipper, Corey Maggette, that Kawakami decided he was ready to take on The Trade Machine. He’s always considered himself an amateur in the world of tradeology, and its more complex cousin, “sign and tradeology,” but the Sparks were kicking in and, in his own words, he was “feeling unstoppable.” Kawakami came out swinging:
“If the Warriors offered Al Harrington and a protected future No. 1 pick, and took back Crawford and the horrible contract of Zach Randolph, would the Knicks bite?”
The Trade Machine, emotionless, responded “This Trade Failed!” Kawakami didn’t give up and he returned with yet another trade, and another, and another. And on it went like this for 37 hours straight. In the end, like a blogging John Henry, Kawakami finally defeated the formidable Machine of NBA Trades with an unexpected trade of Kosta Perovic and C.J. Watson to The Denver Nuggest for Linas Kleiza. Kawakami collapsed, face down on his blood spattered keyboard. His last words were “Now, finally, the Warriors can have the rebounding, defensive-minded forward with a mid-range jumper that they so desperately need.”
Services will be hosted July 15th on blogspot.com. TK RIP
I’ve been loving the wacky interview stylings of Elie Seckbach for a while now. Apparently, having left his “yo mama” cap-fest with Shaq behind, here he’s following D.J. Mbenga around with some pretty good questions. If you’re having trouble coming to grips with the Lakers and their inexorable march through the playoffs toward a league-TV-deal mandated matchup with the Celtics in the finals, here’s some solace. D.J. Mbenga could earn a ring! Could anyone really deserve one as much? We’ve covered his story before, but it’s nice to see it put to words all video-like.
If the Hornets survive the Spurs, the heart-rending matchup at way-back-backup center between Mbenga and the recently reinstated Chris “Birdman” Andersen might be the be best story on the wire that won’t see a minute of playing time. Should this play out, and because we have nothing better to do, I can promise relentless coverage of the Birdman versus Mbenga saga.
Former Warrior and patron saint of FTB Tom Meschery was known for his extraordinary toughness as a player. Shown above (at left) putting some hard-nosed D on Bob Cousy, the “Mad Russian” was a true banger on the defensive end and an underrated offensive threat. Not much has changed in the intervening years. Having recently battled multiple myeloma cancer to a standstill, he’s still got more than his share of scrap. But he’s also still got a soft touch on offense too.
This Sunday he’s going to be running in the San Francisco stop of the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation Race for Research 5K. He’s also the honorary chairman for the event. He’s already raised more than $2,000 and we’re hoping to push that number up a bunch of ticks by the time the gun sounds on Sunday morning. The FTB crew will be there ready to run and we would love to see some of you out there. If running or walking isn’t your thing, please stop by Tom’s donation page and put some greenbacks on his efforts. This is not a kind disease and sadly, it already claimed the life of former Warrior and ‘74-’75 NBA Championship team member Phil Smith back in 2001. He was only 50 years old at the time.
A small donation or a run in the park is a great way to make a real difference. The success of the Mad Russian’s treatment, and his ability to participate in this great event, is proof positive that sometimes we can help push along the change we want to see in this world. So come on out and join us on Sunday. Putting a hard foul on multiple myeloma cancer was never easier.
Hope to see you there,
Turman
PS. In the years since his NBA career came to a close, Tom has become a highly regarded poet. YouTubelage of him reading his poem “Reunion 1994″ can be had after the jump, along with a personal message from Tom about Sunday’s event.
Last night the FTB crew joined in the big fun out at McKeon Pavilion in Moraga. There’s this college out there and apparently they have a pretty good men’s hoop team this year. But more importantly for us, we were there to help Saint Mary’s honor esteemed friend of FTB, Tom Meschery, as the baller emeritus numero uno in school history.
Tom was gracious enough to invite us out to center court with him for the ceremony, which is probably going to be the only time anyone lets my rec-league behind onto the hardwood during an actual game of any consequence. The ovation was loud and long and it was an honor to share it.
The game wasn’t so bad either. Actually, the Gaels ran their record to a gaudy 24-4. On the receiving end of the “L” were the Toreros of San Diego. Vaunted point guard Patty Mills had a quiet game, but senior Tron Smith was a one-man wrecking ball during a crucial stretch of the second half. This sets up a weekend showdown on the road with Gonzaga for supremacy in the WAC. Now if they could just suit up the Mad Russian for a little road trip. But with the Gaels playing the way they are this year, maybe the glory days aren’t all in the rear-view mirror.
Thanks again to Tom for sharing a fun ride on the Nostalgia Express,
Daniel Turman
PS. The game also featured long minutes for San Diego from Rob Jones. Why is this significant? Well, Rob Jones just happens to be the grandson of People’s Temple founder Jim Jones. Yes, that Jim Jones. Rob’s from the Bay too. Gary Smith wrote a fascinating profile for Sports Illustrated back in December. You can check it out here.
Many thanks to our new best friends Josh and Mark over at Garbage Time All-Stars for the dope comic. Hopefully, it’s not too prophetic. But instead of haters, tonight, Nellie and the Kid get to come running out to face the full fury of the Shaq-armed Suns. Keys to victory? Sure. We never learned to stop the rain by complainin’. And nothin’s worryin’ me either. So, make the jump and I promise I won’t make any more ancient soundtrack references.
As FTB mused, prognosticated, then confirmed (with Barnes at the Adidas store), C-Webb is returning to the Warriors. In fact, it sounds like he’ll be in Oakland by tomorrow. Read the article here.
We are hopeful. This could be a good thing. A big body (listed at 6′10″, 245) that can score and pass. But some (myself included) are a little nervous about this reunion too. For many, Webb was the canary in the coal mine. The fleeing superstar, that abandoned the Bay for the so-called greener pastures of Washington, while the Dubs began a downward spiral into the doldrums. This was the exclamation point on the “curse of Billy Owens.”
And the questions are looming. What about his knees? Can he run with these youngsters? Will he be an effective defender in the middle? How will he effect team chemistry? Why is he returning to the same Nellie-ball system that he publicly criticized? Or, are Chris and Don trying to bring some closure to their 14-year-old personal issues? And if so, what about a few therapy sessions, and save the 1.2 million? So many questions, but one thing is certain. This should make for some good television. Fox Sports Bay Area. Tomorrow. At 5:30. HD even.
For the record, I’d prefer figure (a). The sweet elbow jumper.
Gd.
Update: Some of the question above were asked of C-Webb yesterday by FSN’s Matt Steinmetz. Read the Q & A here.
