This is a bit sad, but Los Angeles, the pinnacle of evanescence, filled with its entertainment industry transplants, trustfund hipsters, Ed Hardy-shirt-wearing douchebags and invisible working poor has taught me something about civic pride. Never thought it would happen because I live in Oakland, and Oakland is like Detroit or Baltimore — a fiesty underdog city where every citizen has not so much a chip on his shoulder but a log. Everyone from Oakland is damn proud of it, and if they don’t have a tattoo that says as much, be sure they’ll let you know somehow. However, right now Oakland could learn something from Los Angeles (and I never thought I’d say those words).
See, I just saw this video from LA Times Sports columnist Bill Plaschke making an impassioned plea for Elton Brand to stay in LA, and I read another column, also in the LA Times and written by FTB friend Kurt Streeter, on the personal impact of the Seattle Sonics being herded away to Oklahoma City. Both these pieces speak to the importance that a sports team and their players can have on a city’s self regard. As we’ve overtly expressed before on FTB, and as naive as it might be, we believe sports to be a part of the public trust, something that unites a citizenry (which means a lot in a place like Oakland that is statistically the most culturally diverse city in the US). Although many are grown-ass men, true sports fans are kinda like Emo Girls. They feign cynicism yet are unable to avoid emotional investment, and thus, are perpetually heart-broken.
And I should know better than to think that any pro team has anyone’s best interest in mind but its own. In big-time sports these days, loyalty is a one-way street. It flows from our thinning wallets to the ever fattening ones of the pockets of owners, athletic directors and players.
-Kurt Streeter
That could be the verse to a “Dashboard Confessional” song with a few lyrical substitutions, right? Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the cynicism that I really hope Elton Brand and his agent have the heart to decide and stay put in LA. In fact, Elton Brand, why not shave off a few more million from your salary so The Clippers can keep Maggete too. Honestly, in the past I have only supported the Clippers because of their step-child status vis á vis the Lakers, but now, if Brand does the right thing and stays for less cash, I’ll support more than a team, but an idea. An idea that the city of Oakland, its leaders, its journalists and its basketball team could embrace. I know it’s only a few miles down the road, but dammit, where are the mainstream voices protesting The Fremont A’s? And where’s my Ron Dellums “Monta Stay in Oakland” video? I’m waiting Oakland, and in the meantime, I won’t be getting my hopes up, but secretly I will.
When the Lakers were casting for their “It’s A Small World” international roster, they ineptly left out a representative from the Nation of Thizzlam, and now look who’s ghostriding WW2 amphibious transport vehicles in a victory parade. The Celtics are world champions. The Celtics have a high percentage of East Bay personnel on their team. Therefore, more East Bay means more success. But I challenge any NBA team to take such a syllogism to it’s logical Hyphy conclusion. If you have just one dude on your team with highlighted dreads and a mouth full of gold, I’d say that’s the equivalent of three Leon Powes.
In this year’s draft, any team that wants to get a huge vertical leap on the rest of the league, might want to consider McClymond’s Damon Powell. Sure he’s only a High School junior and should probably stay in Mr. Sneed’s class another year, but damn, this kid’s going to be a beast. I mean, if he can dunk over four teenagers, he can definitely smash on Pau Gasol. Check out the above video of Powell dominating this year’s Sac vs. Bay Dunk Contest. Powell pretty much dumps on all these cats, including UCLA-bound, 408 reppin’ Drew Gordon.
Of course, I would be remiss to not point out the risks in drafting East Bay-centric - you might get J. Kidd, but you might also end up with J.R. Rider. The key with the Oakland intangible is you want to make sure your recruit is doin’ too much on the court and not off. Going 18 Dummy needs to be strictly reserved to the hardwood - Hyphy Basketball 101.
FTB’s own Michael Marshall, aka Mike Meezy, is a name you might not know. What you do know is his voice. With his voice gracing both the seminal hip-hop soul progenitor, “Rumors,” and the smoketastic “I Got 5 on It,” Mike is a true Bay Area original.
Ordinarily, this is where I’d drop his full bio, but the song pretty much speaks for itself. What I can do is let you know that it’s available on iTunes for those who’ve got a (very reasonable) $9.99 on it. I can also speak to the breadth and depth of the effort, which as a whole seems to create a sort of new genre. I’m at a loss to name it, but it certainly seems to be a natural extension of his career to date. Hip-hop soul is growing up. And as he has been doing since day one, Michael Marshall is helping to chart the course.
What if NBA teams were like some Euro leagues? What if they had to stock the rosters with at least a few locals? Well, we might not have our avatar, but we might have three newly-minted NBA Champions next season. How many Lakers are from Oakland? Oh yeah, that’s right, none. So, with Paul Pierce, Eddie House, Leon Powe, and the legendary (and famously bearded) Bill Russell all having East Bay roots, we at FTB pretty much unanimously adopted the Celtics after a bit of consternation. Of course, this probably doesn’t jibe with the childhood rooting interest of our aforementioned LA-raised talisman, but at least we found something to cling to amongst all of the purple vs. green media froth.
What an odd game though. Wasn’t it crazy how in the first quarter it looked like The Lakers were gonna keep it close against Oakland, and then The Town started steadily pulling away in the second quarter. Sure, there were other “role players” like that Garnett guy, but make no mistake. If Bill Russell hadn’t been coaching him on the “way of the peaceful champion” all season, and if Leon Powe wasn’t there to help hold him up during Michelle Tafoya’s post-game interview, the wheels would have come smooth off. In the second half, when Kobe couldn’t get anything going, who was everywhere? That’s right, Rajon Rondo. Sure, he’s from Kentucky, but he writes a blog for Emeryville-based Yardbarker! Rotate on defense to cover Eddie House? Hell no! I’m sicking Posey, Sasha. All told, the East Bay intimidation was too much for Kobe. Luke Walton? He was as scared as a kid from Head Royce who just transferred to McClymonds. I especially liked the part when that guy from Oakland passed it to that other guy from Oakland and he totally smashed on some guy from somewhere else at the end. That was sweet. Thus, to recap, it was a great game and I’m so happy for all those guys from Oakland who really deserved this championship after so much hard work. It’s gonna be crazy in at least three houses in The O tonight. Maybe four.
The writing is totally on the wall. If the Dubs want to really make noise in the offseason, they need to aggressively pursue some more dudes from Oakland.
That’s the number 0. Leon Powe definitely represented the Town on the national stage. After ABC’s emotional biopic at halftime, Powe came out in the second half and finished with a career high 21 points, and a most valuable performance off the Celtic’s bench. He even received the NBA/ T-Mobile player of the game award. I bet everyone and they mama in Oakland was lightin’ up their Metros tonight. It’s like Stern heard my call for drama and delivered the goods. They even had him floating on a green Silver Surfer-like graphic all the way down the floor on his way to a monster dunk. Now that’s good television!
It’s like it was yesterday, I can remember him as an Oakland Tech Bulldog playing in the CIF tournament games. I know some Cal fans frowned upon his decision to enter the draft after one good year at Cal, but after learning his entire story, one can’t help think that he made the right decision given his circumstances. His little brothers and sisters will never have to live out of a car and share Big Macs again if Powe has the type of career that tonight’s breakout game forecasts.
It’s spring and love is in the air, and on the road. A month or so back, some friends of mine decided that they were going to tie the knot in the exact location where they first met - on AC Transit, the Transbay Bus, going back to Oakland… the lower deck. It gets none more Baytastic than that. Don’t try to claim some East Bay status just because you wear an A’s cap and eat at The Smokehouse three nights a week. Until you get married on AC Transit, you’re just a tourist. Yes, the bar has been raised pretty high my friend.
So the way it went down (for those of you about to spend 10 grand and hella C02 on your wedding) is like this:
Bus Fare (Transbay) for 20 of your closest friends and family: $65
Extra Cake (to give to the nice bus driver): $12
iPod portable stereo (to set the mood): $77
Most Unforgettable Wedding: Priceless
The best part about this is they didn’t even reserve a bus (I don’t think that’s possible anyway). The guests all dressed in white and met up at the Transbay Terminal and just paid their fare and got on the bus like some Public Transportation Love Cult or something. Yep, it’s so easy anyone can do it. That’s why it’s called “Public Transit.” So, if your fiancé is coming at you with banquet hall rental information for The Fairmont or The Claremont, say “Baby, we can go to Fremont,” and then hand their ass a transfer. Oh, and don’t forget to set up your Ultimate Eco-Wedding Registry here: Offsettherest.com
Most of us know JingleTown without knowing it’s JingleTown. Yeah, you know that time when you were trying to find the bridge to Alameda and you got off the 880 and then got back on the 880, and then got back off the 880 again only to be lost somewhere between Home Depot and Big Lots? Yep, you were in JingleTown my friend and you didn’t even know it. JingleTown is the Bermuda Triangle of Oakland. Many-a-lost hipster trying to find their way to The Lucky 13 in Alameda got lost there never to be heard from again. It’s also where 80% of the best music in Oakland is born. Studio 880, a nondescript brick warehouse by the freeway, is the home to Zion-I, Blackalicious and, of course, Green Day. Green Day, playing under the alias “Foxboro Hot Tubs,” even have a song called “27th Ave Shuffle” on their debut album “Stop, Drop, and Roll.” And they released this alter-ego band on their new imprint called, you guessed it, “Jingle Town Records.” And if that’s not Town-centric enough for you, they also have a song called “Ruby Room” and one called “Broadway” which I believe is neither George Benson’s nor Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s Broadway. Coming from the man who penned the lyric “Said that I’d meet you at the Berkeley Marina” I think it’s safe to say that this song is about Broadway Auto Row.
Next to maybe Too $hort, I don’t know if anyone represents the Bay harder in song. In fact, I want to believe that the name “Foxboro Hot Tubs” has something to do with the Raiders playoff game against the Patriots at Foxboro Stadium, but that might be reaching a bit. Beyond the fact that you should own this album for its Bayness (just like you should own Rancid’s “And Out Come the Wolves” because of the BART-inspired tune “Daly City Train,”) this album is worth buying for the music. It’s not a typical Green Day joint. It’s “The Raconteurs” meets “The Exploding Hearts.” In fact, it almost sounds like an homage to the tragic, short-lived “Hearts.”
I would also like to point out that “The Foxboro Hot Tubs” played their first show at The Stork Club on Telegraph in Oakland. Ironic, since I think Green Day’s last show in the Bay was sold out at AT&T Park. Perhaps they asked themselves after that show, “Now we’re on top of the world, where do we go from here?” And the answer came to them on the drive home that night, “Oh yeah, back to Oakland.”
Facts. Dennis Richmond was born in 1943. Dennis Richmond is a Vietnam vet. Dennis Richmond’s first job at KTVU was as a typist. Dennis Richmond studied journalism at Columbia. Dennis Richmond broadcast the aftermath of the 1989 Loma-Prieta Earthquake from the Channel 2 parking lot. Dennis Richmond went on a ride-along with the Blue Angels without throwing up. Dennis Richmond has been in four movies. Dennis Richmond lives in San Ramon.
Other facts. Dennis Richmond’s mustache is made of a super-light carbon fiber weave commonly used in high-performance cars. Dennis Richmond does not blink. Because he can’t. An assistant puts Visine in his eyes at commercials. After telecasts Dennis Richmond drinks a blend of Grey Goose and Arctic Freeze Gatorade he likes to call the “Midnight Rambler.” Dennis Richmond once beat Mark Ibanez unconscious at a commercial break with a sack of oranges. Dennis Richmond has done the news while sleeping. Twice. Dennis Richmond has a jet pack that he only uses in the most dire emergencies in order to broadcast “on location.” Dennis Richmond got really yoked in the 1980s when he started working out and gave his old suits (see above) to my boy Hank so he could teach English in Japan with dignity.
Okay, the last one was real. Dennis, you will be missed. I have no idea what manner of Botox margaritas you’re drinking at Yoshi’s after work, but I can’t believe you’re 65 in a couple of days. I’m pretty sure you could kick my ass just by saying, “Turman, I’m going to kick your ass,” in that patented Richmond gravitas. But anyway, you’ve been the Kent Brockman of the Bay for as long as I can remember. And my grandfather used to run KRON 4. Ponder for a minute all of the anchors who have run through that shop in the time you’ve been holding it down. From Fred LaCoss to Pete Wilson and then some. Good show D. We at the FTB will miss you. It’s only a couple of minutes to 10:00 and I’m sad already.
Turman
PS. Yo, Dennis, do me a favor though and put in a good word for my boy John Sasaki on your way out the door. Berkeley High represent!
PPS. Stupid Spurs. Way to lose your momentum straight out of the gate. Must have been the crappy night’s sleep you got when David Stern grounded your plane. That would be my excuse anyway. Now Stern, stop messing with the FAA.
San Francisco’s mobile Mardi Gras, the Bay to Breakers, is coming up soon. In addition to the shocking abundance of naked people and morning boozing, the B2B is also a rather prestigious road race. The centipede competition has also evolved into a hotly contested battle among elite local running clubs. Esteemed FTB commenter, known hitherto only as “Skinny Kahuna,” is a member of one of them and will be looking for a fourth centipede title in five years with the Autodesk Adidas TranSports ‘pede. He’s also my brother, so no clowning in the comments.
KRON 4s Vernon Glenn, aka Mr. Involvement, takes a little jog with some of the Autodeskers in this piece from our favorite local news. If there’s any question as to why Vern looks genuinely gassed, it’s because he is. And if you’re unfamiliar with the pace that these dudes are going to click off, it’ll be right around five minutes a mile. Across the width of San Francisco. While chained to 12 other dudes.
Put it this way, their pace is about the same speed at which you or I would chase the bus. If we were late for a job interview. For a job that we really wanted. Except that we’d be done after a block. Like Mr. Involvement.
Turman
PS. An informed source confirms that this year’s lead runner for the Autodesk crew is, in fact, bearded. Next year I want to see a fully bearded ‘pede. And a discount rate on some secondary sponsorship. Can a brother get a patch on a track-suit jacket or something?
PPS. My neighbor is building a colossal, Nintendo-in-the-1980s themed, beer-dispensing float. More on this in the days to come, but start getting your Mario Bros. costume in order today.
Last Sunday, I did a most unlikely thing. I went to see someone deliver a PowerPoint presentation. On a Sunday. And it wasn’t raining. Usually, a sunny Sunday in The Bay is not something to be trifled with, but at Matthew’s urging, I went to watch the keynote address for this year’s San Francisco International Film Festival. The guest of honor was noted futurecaster and big-picture technology thinker of considerable esteem, Kevin Kelly.
Kelly has a beard, but that would be the least of his achievements. He is probably most well known as the founder of Wired magazine. But there are a lot of Internet-cred activities in his history. He said that he’s been online since way back in 1981. As such, he was instrumental in founding The WELL, one of the earliest online communities. Another large part of his mystique is related to the fact that Andy and Larry Wachowski made his book, Out of Control: The New Biology of Machines, Social Systems, and the Economic World, a required read for all of the actors in the original Matrix film. Apparently, Kevin is also quite a fan of documentary filmmaking and one of his many blogs is devoted to this topic alone. Presumably, this would be why he was invited to speak at a film festival. The other eight blogs (!) cover off on all of his primary fields of expertise and interest, as well as the assorted personal factoids.
Nonetheless, the real meat of this here post was supposed to be his “State of the Cinema” address. And in keeping true to form, he let loose a big, honking idea on the assembled. And this thesis was a thought-provoking one. Essentially, it is thus: humanity is at a profound moment, a moment that will be defined by the migration of our written tradition to a video-based record-keeping and knowledge-transfer system. With a future that is being built right now, we will have a searchable inventory of untold billions of still and moving images. These will catalogue in some considerable detail the singular enormity of human life on this planet and its myriad interests. Much as our computers—and ourselves—already function as honey bees in a hive, our new and emergent capabilities with video become will relate our experiences as a giant digital-video tapestry, one that we all add a few stitches to. As this happens, we will concurrently also be developing a more efficient method for sharing the aggregated knowledge of humanity.
I’m not even close to done here, so punch through if you want to debate the future of humanity.
