Moneyball with The Golden State Warriors: the power of Doo-Doo Economics.

12.27.2009 | 10:30 pm | Keys to Victory, The Blazers, The Suns, The Warriors

Watching the Warriors get a win last night over The Suns made me think about how being a Dubs fan is like creating a Deee-lite Pandora station (Exactly. Who in their right mind would do this?). You’re going to have to listen to a lot of really shitty dance music and 90’s pop songs before getting to the one song that you wanted to hear, “Groove Is In The Heart.” When it finally comes on, you’ll be like, “Oh yeah, this has Q-Tip and Bootsy Collins over a Herbie Hancock sample. This is THE SLAPPER.” You’ll give it a “thumbs up” and remember why you thought they were good for a second (albeit in an entertaining-but-lacking-substance-kind-of-way), and then you have to listen to another 37 craptastic songs and give them all the “thumbs down” before “Groove” comes on again. Basically, that one song is not worth the torture, but you listen compulsively anyway because, well, creating a Herbie Hancock, or Tribe Called Quest or Bootsy Collins station would provide way too much satisfaction, would be just too easy and make too much sense, and as a Warriors fan, that’s not possible.

As chimerical as it is, good Warriors basketball is the guiltiest of pleasures, and we all know that in times of financial crisis we Americans love us some guilty pleasure. That’s why, even though The Oracle has been impacted by the economy, we haven’t seen the same drop in attendance as other franchises. In his latest column for ESPN.com, Sports Guy Bill Simmons (the NBA Raymond Babbitt), breaks down how The League is feeling the pinch this year and why that means we’re in for an impending trade-a-palooza soon. Shaq to Indiana? Amar’e to Charlotte? Chris Paul to…? According to Simmons it could be in the cards given the economy. Simmons doesn’t have a lot of hope for the Warriors chances of navigating the rapids well, and why should he when he sees our fortunes as cosmically doomed:

At least with the Clippers, you can blame Donald Sterling for their problems. Who do you blame for three-plus decades of Warriors dysfunction? I mean, other than God?

Hard to argue with this. Unless you’re a Portland fan right now, it would be tough to make the case for being more ill-fated than the Warriors (Interestingly enough, both The Warriors and The Trailblazers have curses dating back to specific incidents occurring in the late 70’s. Turman can explain in a future post I hope). I believe that for a curse such as this, the best approach is to turn into the skid and go with the flow rather than try and swerve out of it, ending in an inevitable spinning death spiral. It’s like the Tim Robbins character in Jacob’s Ladder. Once you realize you’re dead, it’s not worth fighting the recession-era NY demons in your mind. Just let go and start making the journey toward the light. Given the continued growth of Curry and Randolph, Ellis and Maggette playing at their best, Biedrins and Turiaf coming back from injury and the SEASON ALREADY LOST,  we should follow Simmons advice and NOT make some crazy-ass trade that, by necessity with Maggette’s contract, would have to involve the young core. But this course of action would provide way too much satisfaction to the fans, would be just too easy and make too much sense, and with The Warriors, we know that’s not possible.

M. Meschery