Fear The Beard Halloween Edition: Warriors vs. Suns
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”- Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
I’m thrilled I got to tune in tonight to watch The Suns shoot free throws and Channing Frye hit threes like a seven-foot Steve Kerr. Channing F-ing Fry. That’s good television. And thank you Warriors for scaring the living s**t out of me. There’s no more dreadful kind of self-loathing than sitting at home by oneself on a Friday night eating cereal for dinner and watching The Warriors try to play basketball. If a goddamn demon raven came knocking on my door, I’d be jumping up to let his ass in just to have some kind of distraction.
“Please devil bird, peck both my eyes out so I don’t have to watch this team play another minute. What’s that you say? Nevermore? Yeah, nevermore. That would be good.”
So, is there balm in Gilead? Nope, and apparently there’s no ball movement in Gilead either. Seriously, what kind of serial killer was I in a former life that I have to watch Corey Maggette play basketball? It feels as if Don Nelson knows I’m watching and is personally tormenting me by keeping Maggette in the game. Maybe it was one of Nelson’s ancestors I murdered. Don, you know this isn’t going to end well for anyone. Okay, maybe it’s going to end okay for you. I’ve heard Maui is pretty nice, but for the rest of us, damnation to countless more years of NBA purgatory isn’t the ending we had in mind after the We Believe Season.
And, can one of the scientists down at Oaksterdam University please tell me what Bob Fitzgerald is smoking? Please? Whatever Godzilla weed it is, it’s definitely “home” grown and came straight from Robert Rowell’s lab. If there’s any justice in the world, an undead Thunder is going to be haunting Rowell’s dreams tomorrow night like Freddy Kruger for unleashing his so-called “Great Time Out” on The Bay Area.
If this Warriors Season is an experiment of sorts, then it is The Stanford Prison Experiment and, we, the fans are the prisoners. We have now programmed ourselves for such abuse. I’m imploring anyone who reads this blog to break the fourth wall on whatever freaky social research project this is and run away. Run to The Timberwolves for all I care. Just run. See, I didn’t choose to be a Warriors fan, it chose me. I was born into it. It’s too late for me, but it might not be for you. Get out while you can.
M. Meschery
Update: Given that the Bay Bridge is done for the night, I figured I’d offer up this last-minute solution for the East Bay and or FTB enthusiasts. Mike Meezy at the Shattuck Down Low, along with Calm-O-Dee. Done. I’ll be enthusiastically attired as a young Fidel Castro.
That team was flatter than my Trader Joe’s four-cheese pizza. Honestly, I think that game took away one’s appetite for food it was so bad. But still, even with NBA League Pass calling me from the search box and an entire universe of other potentially rewarding activities for a Friday night, I willingly chose to watch Corey Maggette, Monta, and Jack go all headless horsemen with the offense. It really does make you question your sanity. “I rushed home for this?” I kept thinking.
But since this is FTB and I have a moment. Here are a few team related Twitterings from the last few hours.
Marcus Thompson (CoCo Times): GSW bread and butter, their offense, is looking more like mayonnaise and crackers.
Mista FAB (Rapper): #Comeonwarriors The fans can’t endure another losing season. We gotta Gel an Play our game aint no direction we out there playin 21
Matt Steinmetz (Sideline Guru/Blogger): Telling STEPHEN JACKSON quote from @gswscribe: “It’s a new team, so guys have to figure out how I want the ball.”
Comment by admin | 10.31.2009 | 1:35 pm