I suppose it’s appropriate that this decade began with George W. Bush as Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” and ends with, the architect of W’s economic policy, Ben Bernanke getting The POY. Yes, in between we had some Barack Obama, Giuliani, Putin, and, the worst POY ever, “You” (as Peter Sagal from NPR said , “if ‘we’ truly controlled the media, we would have picked a much better choice for the Person of the Year issue”), but this decade came in with the bang of 9/11 and The Enron Scandal and out with the whimper of a “slow and jobless” recovery from the worst recession since The Depression, so Bush and Bernanke are the fitting faces for those craptastic bookends. I think it’s also fitting that Bernanke has a beard. Afterall, Beards haven’t been as popular in a given decade since The Beatles went all Beardy in the early 70’s. Yes, Bernanke has one of those academic-style beards, giving him a less Geithner/Paulson-slimy look and more of a professorial pretentious look. But like Jeff Daniels’ character in The Squid and The Whale, just because you are smart and have an affable-looking beard, it doesn’t excuse you from being a total asshat. Thanks for helping nearly ruin beards along with the economy, Ben! If only Bernanke would grow his beard according to interest rates. Then right now his beard should be at “near zero.” I’d be much more comfortable with that.
As for Bay Area Sports, the 00’s have been an overall bust. Sure, we had a Superbowl appearance by The Raiders in ‘03, and The Giants got to the World Series in ‘02 (both L’s), but the decade was overshadowed by Bondsball, Moneyball, Smallball, Al Davisball, Jed York-Santa Clara Stadiumball - all of it shitty. Why is it that the only consistent winning in The Bay involves a sport with a puck? Holy Mother of God, how could we have such a fustercluck of sports dysfunction in one geographic area!!!??? It must be some kind of World Record. At least we can claim that, right?
Fortunately, a few of the decade’s bright spots were also the drivers of success for this little blog - The We Believe Team led by a bearded Baron Davis, an East Bay Rennaisance of sorts, a Beard Rennaissance of sorts (many contributors to FTB bearded up and down along the way) , and The Obama Election. All of those things kept us inspired enough to keep writing our musings and some folks inspired enough to keep reading. So, we’ll see what The 2010’s bring us and, hopefully, we here at FTB will continue at least a little while longer. Afterall, if Baron becoming a Clipper didn’t shut us down, a new decade surely won’t.
First the Celtics have to get the full wrath of The Beard down south. Then they come into the Oracle, get caught in a Quiet Storm, and get shot dead by the Mississippi Bullet. Game balls to all. C.J. Watson’s “storm” actually wasn’t that quiet, given that he tied a team record with six steals in a quarter. Monta was just being Monta, unguardable and engaged in a raging mano-a-mano with Rajon Rondo. Craziest of all, Anthony Randolph actually outplayed Kevin Garnett.
End result: the Celts haven’t won in the Oracle since Adonal Foyle was a starter.
Works for me. Especially, since I’ve spent the post-Christmas days plowing through Bill “Sports Guy” Simmons’ Book of Basketball. Which spends an absolutely extraordinary amount of ink genuflecting in the general direction of nearly every Celtic great who ever suited up. The only negative ink seems to be devoted to some pretty special jabs at a beer-bellied Don Nelson playing out the string at the end of his playing career in green. A fantastic read nonetheless, but if you weren’t born a Celtics fan, you might actually watch something like tonight’s game and feel an extra little piece of joy knowing that an entire constellation of entitlement-complex-stricken fans were spitting out their Sam Adams and cursing in that fun accent during crunchtime.
The precise moment of the schadenfreude? When what looked like a potential blunder turned into the game saver. The 1:56 mark of the above video to be precise. When Monta Ellis makes a better catch on a 40-yard bomb from Vlad Radmanovic than Darius Heyward-Bey had all season for the Raiders. Which would have been in front of a courtside-seated JaMarcus Russell, no less! Except, he allegedly left at the 2:47 mark during a timeout. To a chorus of boos. What the hell? Wouldn’t want him to actually see what winning looks like. No tears for him here though. I’m sure he’s home spit polishing his 500-carat watch right now.
Next stop on the hateration tour home and away back-to-back: L.A. With two ambulatory centers, even. Wait, we have big people in the lineup against L.A.? Am I still watching the Warriors?
Copyright 2009 NBAE (Photo by Noah Graham/NBAE via Getty Images)
In case you–like I–missed it, apparently the Clippers game against the powerhouse Celtics highlighted the secret powers of a fully operational beard. The Beard. As in Baron Davis. Not only did he hit the game winner. He also created the possibility of same on the “play before the play,” dishing a super tasty dime to Rasual Butler. Final line for BD? How about 24, 13, and 3, with 3 steals. But enough with the shiny pictures and jibber jabber. Watch for yourself. Best part? Baron wearing an expression much like that of our logo, screaming, “What’d I tell you? What’d I tell you?” as teammates mobbed him.
What he said,
Turman
PS. According to ESPN, Baron pretty much told Dunleavy, Sr. what play to draw up too. Here’s an idea. Baron as player/coach.
Davis then had a Jimmy Chitwood moment, although his “Hoosiers”-style declaration didn’t surprise anybody in the Clippers’ huddle.
“Baron said, ‘Coach, draw it up and I will make this,’” coach Mike Dunleavy said. “He told us to give him the ball, so we draw up a play and it paid off.”
Keep watching for the “play before the play” if you want to see what got them there. Read More »
Watching the Warriors get a win last night over The Suns made me think about how being a Dubs fan is like creating a Deee-lite Pandora station (Exactly. Who in their right mind would do this?). You’re going to have to listen to a lot of really shitty dance music and 90’s pop songs before getting to the one song that you wanted to hear, “Groove Is In The Heart.” When it finally comes on, you’ll be like, “Oh yeah, this has Q-Tip and Bootsy Collins over a Herbie Hancock sample. This is THE SLAPPER.” You’ll give it a “thumbs up” and remember why you thought they were good for a second (albeit in an entertaining-but-lacking-substance-kind-of-way), and then you have to listen to another 37 craptastic songs and give them all the “thumbs down” before “Groove” comes on again. Basically, that one song is not worth the torture, but you listen compulsively anyway because, well, creating a Herbie Hancock, or Tribe Called Quest or Bootsy Collins station would provide way too much satisfaction, would be just too easy and make too much sense, and as a Warriors fan, that’s not possible.
As chimerical as it is, good Warriors basketball is the guiltiest of pleasures, and we all know that in times of financial crisis we Americans love us some guilty pleasure. That’s why, even though The Oracle has been impacted by the economy, we haven’t seen the same drop in attendance as other franchises. In his latest column for ESPN.com, Sports Guy Bill Simmons (the NBA Raymond Babbitt), breaks down how The League is feeling the pinch this year and why that means we’re in for an impending trade-a-palooza soon. Shaq to Indiana? Amar’e to Charlotte? Chris Paul to…? According to Simmons it could be in the cards given the economy. Simmons doesn’t have a lot of hope for the Warriors chances of navigating the rapids well, and why should he when he sees our fortunes as cosmically doomed:
At least with the Clippers, you can blame Donald Sterling for their problems. Who do you blame for three-plus decades of Warriors dysfunction? I mean, other than God?
Hard to argue with this. Unless you’re a Portland fan right now, it would be tough to make the case for being more ill-fated than the Warriors (Interestingly enough, both The Warriors and The Trailblazers have curses dating back to specific incidents occurring in the late 70’s. Turman can explain in a future post I hope). I believe that for a curse such as this, the best approach is to turn into the skid and go with the flow rather than try and swerve out of it, ending in an inevitable spinning death spiral. It’s like the Tim Robbins character in Jacob’s Ladder. Once you realize you’re dead, it’s not worth fighting the recession-era NY demons in your mind. Just let go and start making the journey toward the light. Given the continued growth of Curry and Randolph, Ellis and Maggette playing at their best, Biedrins and Turiaf coming back from injury and the SEASON ALREADY LOST, we should follow Simmons advice and NOT make some crazy-ass trade that, by necessity with Maggette’s contract, would have to involve the young core. But this course of action would provide way too much satisfaction to the fans, would be just too easy and make too much sense, and with The Warriors, we know that’s not possible.
Love me some Colbert. Yes. Props to J. Prater for the find.
Turman
PS. I absolutely cannot talk about the Warriors right now. Or the Cal Bears football team. Colbert. Alicia Keys. That’s all. No Raiders, Niners, A’s, or Giants either, actually.
Hate the Denver Broncos? I do. I’ve hated them at varying levels for just about as long as I can remember. This probably peaked during the height of the Elway renaissance in the late 1990s. That’s what made Sunday’s meaningless win over them by the Oakland Raiders so pleasant. The legacy of hate.
But why did somebody have to go and “pants” my man on the d-line though? That’s not cool, Broncos.
Team chemistry is a tenuous thing. But how to cultivate it? Apparently, if Steve Nash is your point guard you might find yourself on YouTube singing a Lionel Ritchie song in such an effort.
Works for me. I’d play for this team for free. I haven’t seen a team singalong look this fun since The White Shadow. But Barbosa’s is the breakout star here. Especially with that strange sheep-like vibrato thing he does at the end.
But remember too, this team is 18-9 heading into the holidays. They’re solidly fourth in the playoff picture when not many folks were even predicting them to be in the conversation. Reason? Lionel Ritchie. Lakers take heed.
This is what happens when NBA players don’t get enough sleep. Here, Sleepy Floyd is being mugged by two basketball playin’ white dudes with mullets (one of which is committing a flagrant two by humping his leg), it’s clear that Sleepy didn’t get enough sleep the night before. If he wasn’t required to go to the morning shoot-around he could have blown right by The Two Coreys and not lost the dribble. Instead of being Sleepy, he may have been known as “Rested Floyd” - doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, but he might have logged a few more 29 point fourth quarters.
Anyway, this article in The NY Times about NBA Teams eliminating the morning shoot-around so players can get more sleep has been out for a couple days now, but still thought it made a good excuse to post this photo (Billy Ray Cyrus trying to draw a charge with his pelvis never gets old). Promoting more sleep is always a good thing in my opinion. We all know that the NBA players who are prone to go to Tha Club weren’t going to let a 10AM shoot-around stop ‘em anyway. They were just going to show up sleepy (and I don’t mean Floyd), or, if you’re Allen Iverson, not at all (I’m supposed to be the franchise player, and we’re talking about morning shoot-around). The question is when will The Warriors cut theirs? I can’t imagine Nellie being much of an early bird, but then again, the ol’ liquid breakfast might be the only way to tolerate another day of coaching The Dubs.
With another exemption from the league to pluck a big from the D-League, the Warriors once again have the opportunity to be the epicenter of the Boom Tho moment. At least for a couple of weeks. And why not? He’s on Dime Mag’s D-League hot list. He’s a 16 and 9 guy as a Reno Bighorn. He’s 6′11″, which makes him, well tall. And he seems to like rebounding. Rebounding! He’s even a local Internet treasure. Imagine that Warriors! Good PR. From a personnel decision, even. Our friends at GSoM already beat me to the punch on this, but their vast readership soundly endorses the move, via polling results. So, can we get us some Boom Tho?
For the unfamiliar, Rod Benson is a former Cal Bear big, who is probably most well known for his enthusiastic and fully entertaining blogging. He relentlessly chronicles life in the D-League, both for Yahoo’s Ball Don’t Lie and for his own Too Much Rod Benson. So, it would be like a win for everyone. Readers would finally get Benson’s thoughts and reactions to this long-awaited moment. And the Warriors would be instantly relevant to his fairly extensive readership for giving dude a chance.
The only downside that I can see is that there’s about a 76% likelihood that he’d suffer some manner of season-ending injury within a week, since he’d be over 6′4″ and playing for the Warriors. But hey, it’s a risk I’m sure he’d be willing to take for his chance to finally live the dream. And Warriors, if you act now, he could probably drive down from Reno and be suited up tonight. Otherwise, I’m still available. You know the scouting report from the post-game Oracle shenanigans last year. Limited lateral mobility. Foul prone. But I’m just under 6′4″, so at least I shouldn’t be requiring any surgery.
Turman
PS. Warrior and NBA blogger/writer/TV personality Matt Steinmetz is still embracing new media in new ways. Now he’s hosting a weekly chat on Thursday at noon. He’s prediction for tonight’s game is to watch out for Gilbert Arenas. He’ll be “on one.” Okay, he didn’t say it quite like that. But he’s right. Gil will be in Mac Dre mode: in the building and feeling himself.
Before I say anything beyond the title of this post, let me say this. I like Cool Hunting. And I like many of the businesses that they featured in this video. Now. However. I like Oakland too. I was born there. I’ve lived there. And I’ve grappled a bit with how to say this. But, seriously, if you can go to Oakland to shoot a video about cool things happening there and come up with a “diversity fail” this egregious, one has to wonder. Nonetheless, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m not sure I should. But I will.
I’m not going to rattle off a list of things that should or could be in this video. Nor will I disparage any of the fine, well-meaning business and individuals portrayed here. We FTB’ers and our associates know and like many of them. Let’s let the video you’ve made stay right where it is. But let’s call it “part one.” Why don’t I frame this as a challenge: come on back Cool Hunting. Give us our part two. A wee mea culpa and some diligent location and personality scouting on your part could right the wrong. It wouldn’t be that hard. You might need a couple of cultural interpreters on hand, given the way part one went, but I think you can do it. Because, I’m sorry. A couple of black dudes in background shots, a shot of a taco truck, and a pass through on a Chinatown sandwich shop ain’t good enough.
Few cities in the United States could use the opportunity to portray the advantages of diversity any more than Oakland. These advantages are real. And they absolutely enhance the cool factor of what in some circles is known as Tha Town. And I know you can try harder. Because you did when you were in Baltimore (with the same production team). So, let’s go Cool Hunting. I’m not saying you need to thizz it up with Mr. FAB at a Friday night sideshow in some misguided attempt to keep it real. All I’m saying is give it another shot. Stick to the kind of culture you cover. And do it the way you do, by word of mouth. Just ask a few more people. It’ll be easy. Hit me up if you want a freebie or two. But it really is a huge part of what makes living in the East Bay special. And part one misses this. And in the process, you’ve put a huge gaping hole in the portrayal of our cool.
So, part two. It’ll be great. Besides, I’m sure a few African-American, Latino, and Asian business could use some of the free publicity too. Everyone will win. Come on back Cool Hunting, we promise you’ll find just as much cool, just maybe with a little more of the true local flavor that makes Oakland what it is. And in the process, you’ll distance yourself from the allegations of “uncool” that are starting to pile up in your video’s comments on YouTube.
