Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!”
Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
- Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
I’m thrilled I got to tune in tonight to watch The Suns shoot free throws and Channing Frye hit threes like a seven-foot Steve Kerr. Channing F-ing Fry. That’s good television. And thank you Warriors for scaring the living s**t out of me. There’s no more dreadful kind of self-loathing than sitting at home by oneself on a Friday night eating cereal for dinner and watching The Warriors try to play basketball. If a goddamn demon raven came knocking on my door, I’d be jumping up to let his ass in just to have some kind of distraction.
“Please devil bird, peck both my eyes out so I don’t have to watch this team play another minute. What’s that you say? Nevermore? Yeah, nevermore. That would be good.”
So, is there balm in Gilead? Nope, and apparently there’s no ball movement in Gilead either. Seriously, what kind of serial killer was I in a former life that I have to watch Corey Maggette play basketball? It feels as if Don Nelson knows I’m watching and is personally tormenting me by keeping Maggette in the game. Maybe it was one of Nelson’s ancestors I murdered. Don, you know this isn’t going to end well for anyone. Okay, maybe it’s going to end okay for you. I’ve heard Maui is pretty nice, but for the rest of us, damnation to countless more years of NBA purgatory isn’t the ending we had in mind after the We Believe Season.
And, can one of the scientists down at Oaksterdam University please tell me what Bob Fitzgerald is smoking? Please? Whatever Godzilla weed it is, it’s definitely “home” grown and came straight from Robert Rowell’s lab. If there’s any justice in the world, an undead Thunder is going to be haunting Rowell’s dreams tomorrow night like Freddy Kruger for unleashing his so-called “Great Time Out” on The Bay Area.
If this Warriors Season is an experiment of sorts, then it is The Stanford Prison Experiment and, we, the fans are the prisoners. We have now programmed ourselves for such abuse. I’m imploring anyone who reads this blog to break the fourth wall on whatever freaky social research project this is and run away. Run to The Timberwolves for all I care. Just run. See, I didn’t choose to be a Warriors fan, it chose me. I was born into it. It’s too late for me, but it might not be for you. Get out while you can.
M. Meschery
Update: Given that the Bay Bridge is done for the night, I figured I’d offer up this last-minute solution for the East Bay and or FTB enthusiasts. Mike Meezy at the Shattuck Down Low, along with Calm-O-Dee. Done. I’ll be enthusiastically attired as a young Fidel Castro.
That particular photo doesn’t really capture the essence of the argument. Granted, while I was up in the upper deck with the denizens of GSoM screaming, “Put somebody on Scola,” Luis was quietly disembowling our starters in the third quarter with a variety of nice moves in the paint and keep-you-honest jumpers. And so soon it was all over on an Anthony Morrow miss from three.
But that’s not the real story. The story is more about the strange emergence of a new thread. A thread that is about the “me” versus “us” of it all. And the back and forth in scoring between the two teams bears out the notion. When it was a Maggette, Ellis, Jackson trio that the Warriors were relying on for scoring, there were problems. Too may isolations. Too many turnovers. Too little passing.
Azubuike, Morrow, and Curry? Different story. Beidrins and Turiaf were expected to do the dirty work and did, so they will be exempted from this discussion, but of the paired trios that were expected to put the biscuit in the basket, a dichotomy emerged. Not perfectly aligned with their production or the lineup order, but a dichotomy nonetheless.
Newly appointed captain Monta Ellis was solid on the stat sheet and still led in minutes and points. But he was minus 12 in his team-leading time on the floor. Erstwhile Cap’n Jax was straight Halloween booed at introductions and came up minus two in his 34+ minutes, in spite of a statistically prominent 17, 4, and 4 night. Finally, Corey Maggette would appear to have been the anomaly with his diving for loose balls and balanced night of scoring, rebounding, and defense, but still. It wasn’t there for him either when it came to the offensive end and team balance. Trust me. I know he was trying. I could tell. But it wasn’t. It’s not the Corey way. Plus, he was often overmatched by bigs. Such is Nellieball.
Meanwhile, when the chips were down in both the second and fourth quarters who were the catalysts? Morrow, on his way to a “hey guys, over here, I’m open” seven points (+5, if you’re scoring at home), Kelenna Azubuike 13 (+7), and young Steph Curry, for whom I need to stop the discourse for a moment.
If your newly de-captained Jack is running some point-forward ish in the second half of a game in which he has shown only marginal interest, after he was roundly booed on nearly every first-half possession, perhaps you should look to the ball handler who is on his way to a plus seven while on the floor and a handy seven assists to go with 14 points, and four steals. Basically, run with the people who increase the team’s score while they are on the floor. If this is the dramatically oversimplified lesson from opening night, forgetting Maggette’s statistics-belying selfishness with the rock, your new starting lineup would be this one.
Curry. Morrow. Azubuike. Maggette. Biedrins. Forget about whether they were playing against first or second teamers and consider only the plus minus. For this game. Why not? This is what they did. And then note that the Dubs lost by a single point.
Turman
PS. Thanks again to GSoM for some real fun in the 200s.
As I write, it’s the end of the third quarter in the Lakers/Clippers game, with the Clips down one. Portland had an uneven game up north against Houston, but pulled out the win. Did I mention that NBA League Pass is free this week? Hallelujah. It’s on.
The Warriors open tomorrow night, with our friends at Golden State of Mind sponsoring some actual, guaranteed great times out. Read them. Follow them. For they do almost all of the heavy lifting for us local hacks, covering the minutiae that may make us crazy, whether or not we can find time to write about it. For anyone not knowing, on designated GSoM Nights (this being the seventh) they block off about 700 seats, give away shirts, and host pre- and post-game festivities. Meschery and I will be there to rep the beard and see what this year might bring for the Dubs. If you’re not going tomorrow, definitely check out the next one.
I’ll update the Lakers/Clippers results, but I’ve got to watch this game. Basketball, you’ve been gone too long. Good to have you back. Let’s rap about tonight’s action and tomorrow’s pregame in the comments.
Up with hoops,
Turman
Update: Kobe went for 33 and the Clippers came up short. The Beard was gallant, but appeared to be running on a bad wheel. That, hopefully, was the reason Cryptkeeper Dunleavy kept him on the bench in the fourth until the 4:30 mark. And oh yeah, LeBron and the Big Bodyguard got handled at home by Boston. In spite of Bron’s 38. Big comeback for Agent Zero too; 29 and 9 in a win over Dallas. This is going to be fun.
Ah, the start of the season is upon us. And we’re making sure to hedge our bets here at FTB. So comes this, from The City That Works, Portland, Oregon, via our friend and sideline mole, one Mr. Clement Uduk. Dude watches every game from like 15 feet behind the visitor’s bench. And as a college student, he likes to write. Basically, he just cracked us off a 2,700-word season preview of the ‘Zers’ chances from his vaunted vantagepoint. How he finds himself in such a fortunate position may be revealed at a later time, but for now revel in the exhaustive thought that the mole hath wrought on all things Blazers.
Turman
PS. NBA League Pass free trial, allegedly on now. Don’t slip!
Season Preview: Portland Trail Blazers
The NBA season is just days away and there are many things to discuss. First off, there is the excitement of the new season that will tip off next Tuesday with a quadruple header of tantalizing proportions. But most of all, I am excited for the start of the Portland Trail Blazers’ season because of what can be achieved with the deepest team the city of Portland has seen since the days of Pippen/Smith/Grant/Rasheed/Sabonis. What I desire to write about is the off-season the team had, the pre-season they struggled through and an outlook on what shapes up to be a bright and beautiful season. Get ready to delve into some deep discussion on all things Blazers. Read More »
As if it wasn’t enough for Lebron James to have one biblical attribution, now Dave Zirin has him getting all Old Testament on fools, doling out smiteful dunks on the false idols of sports and politics. If you’re not up on Dave Zirin’s blog, The Edge of Sports, I highly recommend it to all those who like their sports analysis sprinkled with progressive politics. In his latest post he asks his readers who Lebron James should smash on next based on James’ recent statement in Maxim magazine that he would enjoy dunking on the former POTUS, George W. Bush. While applauding Lebron’s courage to make some kind of a political statement, Zirin still thinks W an easy target, so he makes his own recommendations for who Lebron should serve next. His list includes many public figures who certainly deserve some karmic whoop ass - for example, Judge Keith Bardwell, The Louisiana Judge who refused to marry a mixed race couple claiming “I’m not racist I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way.” No doubt, that dude needs to get dunked on. And here’s one of my favorites, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones:
1 – Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. His new 1.15 billion dollar stadium in Arlington comes complete with cage-dancing cheerleaders, the widest flat screen television in the world, and special “party pass” tickets so people can stand outside the stadium and watch the game through osmosis. Jones took $350 million of public money to build Cowboy stadium in a state where almost 1 in 4 children live in poverty. Even worse, Jones believes that just because he knows how to fleece the locals, he also possesses the know-how to draft players, hire coaches, and play General Manager. Keep in mind that the last quarterback to win a playoff game for Jerry Jones was Troy Aikman in 1996. Jones needs to get dunked on now.
Couldn’t agree more. However, Zirin thinks that our current Commander-in-chief deserves to get posterized by LBJ too. While Obama has been too much of a pass first point guard his first ten months in office and definitely needs to start shooting more, I wouldn’t give him the gas face just yet (gas face? - see Paul Pierce’s expression in photo above). There’s a whole gang of world leaders and Tea Party supporters that need to get tea bagged by Lebron before Obama does. And that’s not to mention one or more Bay Area sports franchise owners as well. If Lebron, like some vengeful god, could bring shame upon the wicked with righteous dunking, who would you pick next to get his wrath?
Business took me down to the “City of Angles” this weekend; UFC 104, to be precise. And, while the House of Staples played host to the big match between Lyoto “The Dragon” Machita and Mauricio “Shogun” Rua on Saturday night, the event there on Friday evening was noteworthy as well.
Shortly after arriving on Friday afternoon I was summoned to the Staples to see the Clippers in their final preseason match against the CP-less Hornets. Preseason and not exactly a matchup of much consequence, but still, I was excited. Not only to see The Beard in person (I’d heard Baron’s man moss was reaching epic proportions), but also to take see the young Mr. Griffin close up and get a sense of the team dynamic.
About the first, I have to say Baron’s beard was ferocious. Totally savage. It’s long past those voluptuous Teddy Pentagrass proportions. It’s freakin’ angry and wild. Like Joaquin Phoenix angry and wild. On the freeway to Kimboville. And so was his presence on the court. Passion and competitiveness flowing from every pore. Some Warrior fans may have caught a glimpse of this when he put Mr. Randolph on his backside earlier in the preseason, thus removing him from the opening-night starting lineup. Suffice to say, for the 22 minutes Boom was on the floor, you’d never have guessed it was a meaningless preseason game.
Regarding my thoughts on Blake Griffin? Well, even with the limited minutes he was on the floor on Friday, I can tell he’s going to be a factor. Hype, or no hype. Take a look at this highlight.
In the end, I liked what I saw (I managed to avoid looking directly at Cryptkeeper Dunleavy and one Ricky Davis). But Thornton and DeAndre looked great. Rasual Butler, yes. It should be interesting to see how The Beard’s emotional leadership and this young squad fare over the long regular season.
In all, I left feeling a bit frustrated. No disrespect to my magnanimous hosts, but seeing the Clippers look like a team with an emerging identity opened up my old wounds. I couldn’t help dwelling on the “what if the Warriors hadn’t?” scenarios all over again. Ugh.
So, all I can say is this. Good peoples of LA, get behind your “second team” and Beard Up for the Clippers. It’s the Wild West, and you never know where this might go.
If you live in the Bay Area, maybe it wasn’t really much fun trying to root for a California presence in the World Series. The awkward embrace of our division rivals to the south just wasn’t cutting it for me anyway. But just in case you’re bummed that the World Series is going to be an all East Coast affair, take heart. Jimmy Rollins and C.C. Sabathia, arguably the two best players on their respective teams, both hail from The Bay.
You might know Sabathia for the mammoth $161-million contract he signed last offseason to become a Yankee. And you might know Rollins for his post-Barry NL MVP award in 2007 and World Series win last year. But there’s a lot more to like about these cats than cash and hardware.
Rollins went to Encinal High in Alameda and grew up idolizing Rickey Henderson. He also hit the series-altering, walk-off job the other night that all but put a dagger in the Dodgers. What you might not know is that he also campaigned for Barack Obama, introducing him at a rally in Philadelphia. Not the worst endorsement a president can have in that state. Plus, the cat’s got some perspective.
It didn’t strike me as strange to campaign for the guy who’ll raise my taxes. If raising my taxes a little helps America become a better place then I’m all for it. You have to build from the bottom.
Sabathia on the other hand has kept his lobbying to the diamond. In addition to being named the ALCS MVP tonight, he’s also well known for pushing commissioner Bud Selig to promote little league in urbanized African-American communities. Calling him out by way of ESPN even, actually.
So there you have it. Every so often in the Fall Classic, there will be a couple of moments where it becomes the big-boy version of an NCS sectional. And just like when they were in high school, if you’re like me, you might kinda be rooting for both of them.
Turman
PS. Jump for an excerpt from the ESPN article where Sabathia puts MLB on blast. Read More »
Oh Kanye. First you go all meme-ish the other week after the VMAs. Where, predictably, just about all of us with a computer had to go and Photoshop up some sort of spoof of your Taylor “Swift-boating” incident. Some pretty reputable-sounding rumors out there even have you and Jay-Z orchestrating the whole thing. Because everybody in y’all’s camp won. His wife Beyonce looked saintly at the end of the show. You get to go on Leno with Jay and Rhianna the next night goosing the ratings for Jay and promoting self. And Jay-Z’s new album–which not so coincidentally features guest artists from his latest label imprint, as well as tracks you produced–becomes his 11th album to top the Billboard 200. Thus breaking a record held by Elvis Presley. But I digress.
Mind you, I know. You’re smarter than most give you credit for. You’re no more a pawn in Jay-Z’s master plan than you are the vision of unchecked assholery that others think you are. You think about these things. Maybe not 100% of the time. But certainly in general. And your operational philosophy basically announces to the world that you don’t care how many haters you have as long as they know how to spell your name right in their tweets and blog posts. And feed a publicity machine that jumps from social media to mainstream media and back so fast and so often that the release of the above video actually spawned a “trending-topic” flood of “RIP Kanye” tweets this week.
Which makes people watch the video. That is directed in the beautiful and provocative style of one Spike Jonze. Because Spike Jonze directed it. And it’s probably promoting something that we’re not even aware of yet, in addition to Jonze’s box-office-topping film “Where the Wild Things Are” and your song “See You in My Nightmares.”
For whatever it’s worth, Jonze is saying that you jumped the gun posting the video on your blog before it was finished, before mysteriously taking it down later. But okay, enough of the second person, I’ll call you Kanye from now on and act like a reporter or something. From today’s New York Times, Jonze had this to say about the leak. Read More »
Yes, it is more than a game over there in New Jersey. I came across this article in the NY Observer. The Nets owner, Bruce Rattner, is now “renting” out his players off the court. According to the article, “For $25,000 you can get courtside tickets to 10 games and, for one hour, you can have a Nets player at your beckon call.” A representative from The Nets followed up with this
“It will be interesting to have an NBA player come to your birthday party or come to your Bar Mitzvah or even just coming to your house for dinner for an hour when your friends are over,”
Interesting? Really? I can’t imagine the players are in love with this idea, or at least those players with a sweat bead of integrity. As if it’s not enough to be traded around the league like a Yugioh Card, it’s another to be reminded that someone else can buy or sell your “companionship” on a whim. Although the visual of Yi Jianlian at a Bar Mitzvah or Josh Boone babysitting the kids is interesting in a YouTube Video kind-of-way, it’s not interesting as a serious means of revenue generation. I mean, can you imagine Kobe coming over to Joe Businessman’s house to flip burgers just ’cause Joe got some extra pricey courtside tickets? Would never happen. And thus illustrates how the Haves and The Have Nots are playing themselves out in The NBA.
If you want to read all about how the rich just got richer in The NBA, check out the latest from SI. It’s no wonder that Bruce Rattner is itching to sell off The Nets to a Russian Gazillionaire after losing 70 Million on the club last year. And so it looks like that’s the trend in The League, and unless there’s more Russian Tycoons (or maybe Larry Ellisons?) around to swoop in and buy some of the lowliest teams, we’re probably going to see lot’s more “bake sale-type” money making gimmicks. Robert Rowell, that’s your cue.
This dunk is a couple of days old now, but it’s been gnawing at my soul. This is what it looks like when two large men meet at the top and one gets seriously smashed on. And seriously, everyone in LA who’s not Super Glued to Kobe’s scrotum might want to start taking note of the alterna-ballers who share the house of staples.
Beard aside, there’s kind of a lot to like about the Clippers this year. They may not be preseason title contenders, but there’s a lot that’s worth watching. And given the state of the Warriors, I’m looking for justification for that NBA League Pass I just ordered up. So far, in my time zone at least, the Clippers are definitely in the conversation.
A big reason is Blake “Superior” Griffin, shown here bopping atomic on D.J. Mbenga. The dude could easily develop into Karl Malone 2.0. I’ve been watching him on grainy computer feeds from hidden Russian Mafia servers in the Southland, and dude has some serious potential. And some serious (right-now type) skills too. And while I’ve professed my admiration for Mbenga in the past, I must again say: “Dayum!”
