Having lived in the Tenderloin for a number of years, when I awake to the sound of large arms fire, I do what any sensible human being would. Wait until the bang bang stops and then go investigate. In the official uniform of such investigations, hoop shorts and house shoes. And so it was that I crept out into the cool night. What I found? A phalanx of Berkeley Police officers and a single, very large, and very dead mountain lion.
Now, I do not live in what you would call nature. There are trees, but this is an urbanized area. We’re talking one block from one of Berkeley’s most prominent thoroughfares in Shattuck Avenue. But apparently, this mountain lion had pretty evolved tastes. Roaming only two and a half blocks from Chez Panisse, he or she was apparently drawn to the area by the promise of an exalted hunt: tender, young returning students and slow-moving, California Cuisine-fed, neo-hippies.
Jokes! It’s a blog! Okay, seriously, that was a joke, but this was a big-ass cat. I saw it. Officers were still treating the area as a crime scene so I wasn’t allowed to fulfill my journalistic promise and break the story with photos and proper interviews. However, officers I spoke with indicated that they had first attempted to drive the animal back toward the hills. When that failed and the beast was heading for a late dinner in the Gourmet Ghetto, they said that they had no choice to put it down. I do not dispute this.
The weapons of record were shotgun and AR-15 assault rifle. The location: Walnut Street between Cedar and Virginia, for those of you Google Mapping at home. For me, that’s directly on the other side of the building behind my bedroom window. A mountain lion. And assault-rifle fire.
Okay, that’s about all from here. Mornings on 2 can pick up the story soon enough. I just figured that since I’d be up for a while I might as well break some news for once. To recap: police make a sensible decision to kill a mountain lion roaming a densely populated, urbanized portion of North Berkeley at approximately 3:30 Tuesday morning.
Turman Approved
Update. After breaking the story. Mainstream media wanted some of the Turman Magic. Probably not my finest media moment, but I managed two thirds of the traditional-media trifecta with a TV appearance and a quote in the SF Chronicle/SFGate. I am totally adding “Cougar Expert” to my resume.
As Flashdance director Adrien Lyne could tell you, dancing + rain = good. Turf dancing - actual turf + rain = awesome. After I stopped working with youth in Oakland a few years back, Turf Dancing fell off my radar even though I would occasionally see dudes practicing on the corner of Adeline and 35th on my way home from work. Maybe it got overshadowed by its more spastic Southern California cousins Krumping and Jerkin‘, but when I saw this video I realized that the more elegant and liquid style of Turf Dancing had made some serious progress and was worth recognizing. One minute, I was like, “oh, that’s kind of cool,” next thing I know they getting all Alvin Ailey out on Mac and 90th. Crazy.
As we have new owners of our beloved Warriors, I plan on using the FTB suggestion box for further recommendations for halftime entertainment and other general improvements to make “A Great Time Out” live up to the name. According to MT2, Lacob is interested in improving the food options at The O also. So, feel free to offer up your ideas in the comments below. Journey reunion performance? Dogs on skateboards, Big Nate’s BBQ? Now’s your opportunity. Let the people know.
No, not Matt Barnes. Even though Matt’s the owner of the “Sactown’s Finest” tat, we’re talking about the local constabulary. See Tyreke Evans was driving really fast. While being filmed from above unknowingly. For miles. Thirteen long minutes of which is seen here.
So, as a consequence Tyreke found himself getting pulled over in his Sacramento Kings-purple AMG Mercedes, of all places, in the parking lot in front of the local hoop courts. After some pretty “Amazing Police Chases”-worthy racing against some Sactown clown in a Dodge Charger. On a pretty crowded stretch of I-80. Being a competitive man, Tyreke put the velvet AMG hammer down on the Charger, blasting up to a CHP chopper-estimated 130 miles an hour. Which no doubt scared the bejeezus out of the “coming home from Tahoe” Bay Area crowd who just try and make it through this section of highway without mentally imploding from the negative side effects of traffic and/or cranky kids. And trying not to get ticketed.
So. What have we learned? Well, I think it’s simple. When you give 20-year-old guys millions of dollars, there is an almost 100-percent certainty that they will purchase an extraordinarily fast whip within the first 20 minutes of cashing the first check. So, with that in mind, I suggest that the NBA sponsor team track days at local raceways to let the gents get it out of their system. I might even pay to watch Monta Ellis go at Evans, Bentley versus Benz. But seriously, some sort of messaging around driving skill and safety and self-control would probably be in everyone’s best interest. Make it part of the rookie orientation week. I drove like a total douche when I was 20, and I only had 160 horses on hand. Put 500 or so under my foot and I would have needed some lessons on how not to kill somebody. Actually, upon further reflection, I definitely could have used those lessons.
So, c’mon NBA! Let’s make it some fun-times kinda learning. Infineon Raceway. Warriors versus Kings. Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
For whatever it’s worth, Tyreke pleaded no contest and got a somewhat ambiguous three-year “informal” probation to go along with 80 hours of “alternative sentencing” and 30 days of no license. This last is truly cruel in Sactown. I like my idea better. NBA track days would rule. No embarrassing videos of players getting hemmed up by the cops at gunpoint. Just the roar of the motors, and the unchecked enthusiasm that invariably comes when youth and horsepower come together. In a place where I’m not on the road obliviously doing 65. And where they have fire extinguishers. And on-site medical people. And old men who tell you stories that might slow you down a bit.
What’s up with San Jose? Seriously, are they so desperate for another professional sports team that they’re willing to piss off, not only some hardcore Oakland A’s fans and The San Francisco Giants organization, but also Bud Selig and pretty much all of Major League Baseball. Plus, on top of that, I just read this which basically describes San Jose as The Jersey Shore but with guys who scored 800 on their Math SAT. I also recently learned that San Jose is known as “Man Jose” because it’s a statistical fact that there are 5,793 men for every 100 women there. It’s like Alaska if Alaska were filled with guys who scored 800 on their Math SAT.
It makes it even worse because San Jose is, for the most part, just kicking Oakland when we’re down. They know that they have a large population of overpaid “geek/bros” (see above) who would be more than happy to shell out top dollar to watch baseball and high five each other until their hands hurt too much to play World of Warcraft. The Oakland A’s, on the other hand, even despite having Money Ballin’ Brad Pitt in the house this summer, are pretty much the Cleveland of baseball teams. I mean, if Cleveland wasn’t the Cleveland of baseball teams (see attendance numbers). So, in terms of chasing the almighty dollar, you could see why “Scrillacon Valley” would be more appealing to Lew Wolff than “The Town.” But, like Cleveland, we have a small but scrappy fan base that’s not afraid to let its opinions be known. Check out this excellent slide show for proof. So, c’mon San Jose, does another poor Volvo need to be ghostridden just to get you to stop this assholery? Don’t make us bring back Ben and Nate. Seriously, Don’t make us do it. Okay, you made us do it. (With apologies to Big Cleezy)
When I met my wife she lived in San Francisco and I lived in Oakland. The girlfriend I had before her lived in London. I remember thinking at the time, “Damn, I don’t want another long distance relationship.” So, when Melina Jones sings “Here we are, a whole ocean apart” in the new Do D.A.T. track “The Bridge” I feel exactly what she’s talking about. I think most of us in The Bay know this all too well. We all have that friend on one side of the bridge or the other who just ain’t coming to visit you….ever. I remember this other time when I was working with Oakland teenagers and we took a trip to The Mission. We might as well have been taking a field trip to Pandora. Seriously, Mission hipsters were like 9 feet tall and blue to these kids.
Anyway, it was at that same youth program, The Bay Unity Music Project - a music enrichment program for high school students in Oakland - where I first met Do D.A.T. who was a young, up and coming emcee who would volunteer on occasion and provide lyrics workshops. Nearly five years later, Do D.A.T. is helping to run that program, as committed to the community as ever, and his music has evolved to what you see here - the intelligent type of hip hop that can survive in a post-hip hop world.
Anyway, there have been Bridge-related hip hop battles going back to K.R.S. and MC Shan, but this is the first bridge-related hip hop love joint that I know of - more of a love song for the whole Bay Area than anything. For all those Bay-themed mixtapes that will be made in the future, this might have to be the closing track, because despite the fact that The East Bay and The City can seem so different - from the hipsters to the hip hop - the rest of the world perceives us as one place so might as well join forces and be Bay against the world, right? Right. Finally, one of my favorite things about this video is that even though The Bay Bridge is the central metaphor for the song, Do D.A.T. finally takes BART across The Bay to connect with Melina Jones. Yes, The Bridge is indeed over.
M. Meschery
PS - My wife and I now live in Oakland. Take that Frisco!
Berkeley author Michael Pollan is on the High Fructose Killjoy speaking tour promoting his new book “Food Rules.” Last night he appeared on The Daily Show breaking down some of his rules and describing his concerns with The American Diet of cheap, sugary-sweet, hydrogenated-liciousness. One of his rules - “don’t eat cereal that changes the color of your milk.” Oh, you mean the fun kind of cereal Mr. Pollan? In general though, I can’t argue with him and have, in fact, made a New Year’s Resolution to cook more. Yes, I mean cook not just thaw, heat and re-heat. So, I’m down with the Food Rules, but dammit, do we really need anyone else helping to foster the image of B-Town as a village of Yurt-dwelling, nuclear-free locavores? Seriously, maybe Berkeley should import the kids from Jersey Shore, just to, you know, trash the place up a bit.
In contrast to the even-tempered Pollan, is celebrity hothead chef, Gordon Ramsay. I don’t particularly like Ramsay. He makes me uncomfortable with his over-the-top assholery, but Gordon Ramsay as a little foul-mouthed kid (Little Gordon) is pure genius. I’d love to take this kid with me to the Emeryville Food Court and have him go to town. Bon Appetit!
Before I say anything beyond the title of this post, let me say this. I like Cool Hunting. And I like many of the businesses that they featured in this video. Now. However. I like Oakland too. I was born there. I’ve lived there. And I’ve grappled a bit with how to say this. But, seriously, if you can go to Oakland to shoot a video about cool things happening there and come up with a “diversity fail” this egregious, one has to wonder. Nonetheless, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m not sure I should. But I will.
I’m not going to rattle off a list of things that should or could be in this video. Nor will I disparage any of the fine, well-meaning business and individuals portrayed here. We FTB’ers and our associates know and like many of them. Let’s let the video you’ve made stay right where it is. But let’s call it “part one.” Why don’t I frame this as a challenge: come on back Cool Hunting. Give us our part two. A wee mea culpa and some diligent location and personality scouting on your part could right the wrong. It wouldn’t be that hard. You might need a couple of cultural interpreters on hand, given the way part one went, but I think you can do it. Because, I’m sorry. A couple of black dudes in background shots, a shot of a taco truck, and a pass through on a Chinatown sandwich shop ain’t good enough.
Few cities in the United States could use the opportunity to portray the advantages of diversity any more than Oakland. These advantages are real. And they absolutely enhance the cool factor of what in some circles is known as Tha Town. And I know you can try harder. Because you did when you were in Baltimore (with the same production team). So, let’s go Cool Hunting. I’m not saying you need to thizz it up with Mr. FAB at a Friday night sideshow in some misguided attempt to keep it real. All I’m saying is give it another shot. Stick to the kind of culture you cover. And do it the way you do, by word of mouth. Just ask a few more people. It’ll be easy. Hit me up if you want a freebie or two. But it really is a huge part of what makes living in the East Bay special. And part one misses this. And in the process, you’ve put a huge gaping hole in the portrayal of our cool.
So, part two. It’ll be great. Besides, I’m sure a few African-American, Latino, and Asian business could use some of the free publicity too. Everyone will win. Come on back Cool Hunting, we promise you’ll find just as much cool, just maybe with a little more of the true local flavor that makes Oakland what it is. And in the process, you’ll distance yourself from the allegations of “uncool” that are starting to pile up in your video’s comments on YouTube.
So, what happens when some self-proclaimed San Francisco hipsters create a “staycation” video for Tha’ Town? Hilarity right? Not so much. But, it’s getting late and I felt like sharing.
Um, perhaps I should have saved this for Hater Tuesday.
From SFist.com: grainy camera-phone shot of Dave Chappelle, on Market Street in San Francisco a couple of days ago.
Dave Chappelle. He pretty much held the title belt for funniest man on the planet for a cool couple of years. And then he dropped into an epic, self-imposed exile that few if any could comprehend, much less understand. But this week he showed up in the Bay Area. And last night he dropped an epic four and a half hour set in Oakland. FTB was there. I was there.
The Dalai Lama was in Berkeley on the same day. I watched as his motorcade sped up University Avenue with all of the ironic security posturing any visiting royal would command. Meanwhile, some hours later in downtown Oakland, Dave Chappelle announced that he had taken BART to the gig. And in some circles his arrival probably carries at least as much weight as the arrival of a religious leader, so great is his gravitational pull. Yet, I can believe him when he said he took BART to his own show. Because of what else he had to say. And to whom he was talking.
When he left that epic $40 million dollars on the table in his negotiations with Comedy Central and decided to go underground, I always had my own suspicions as to why. Last night, he offered a rare glimpse into this decision.
First, he was performing at a venue that was opening for the first time in its renewed form. Formerly called “Sweet Jimmie’s,” the spot was known for its pure Oaklandish-ness and pimptastic improbability. Now, it is reborn as Oakland Town Hall, a perfect forum for a public hearing and confessional. But why were tickets only available through Twitter and then passed out in a bizarre, circuitous ritual? Why an unknown, unopened venue? Because. This is how Dave Chappelle plans to reclaim himself with his core constituency. To hell with the Eddie Murphy plan and the blockbuster films. He took his ten milly from Comedy Central and that’s enough. From here on out it’s about reclaiming his authenticity. And that starts at root level. On the bare, close-cropped stage of the old Sweet Jimmie’s. Starting at eleven thirty and ending at four. Telling stories to his disciples. Revealing just as much as this particular audience deserved. Bridging the gap from Saturday night to Sunday morning. When the dawn broke as I got home, I realized where I had been.
An unlikely tip to come from Snoop’s Twitter feed. Who would have thought Snoop was into some Cali underground-type ish. But then again, this is right up his alley - a feel good West Side-and-ride with the top down-all around-slapper. In the spirit of Living Legends, this new Grouch and Eligh collab featuring Gift of Gab and Pidgeon John is another fine example of when the best of The Bay meets the best of LA. Trust me here, the hook on this joint will be Gorilla Glued to the inside of your cranium for the next week. Be prepared to be whistlin’ this on your way down the hall to the water cooler at work - the cool, cool, water cooler. And just in time for this here pre-summer madness heatwave we got goin’ on. I’m ready to put this on the iPizzle, put a Corona in a Koozie and take my Float Lounge 4000 out on Lake Anza.
