Okay folks. Everybody needs to chill! Here is your conclusive, rumor-squashing evidence that Baron Davis doesn’t weigh no 260 pounds. Which, earlier today, an ESPN Insider report from Chris Broussard speculated loudly.
Midsummer reports weren’t good, as sources said the 6-3 point guard was up to 260 pounds, 45 pounds above his listed playing weight.
Where Broussard got his info, I don’t know. What he means by midsummer? Who cares? Where I got mine? This photo of the ever-dapper Mr. Meschery, Baron, and myself was shot 10 days ago at his charity event. While the two of us not named Baron would graciously request that you accept the self-definition of our physiques as “wiry strong,” there is no possible way that BD outweighs either of us by 85-90 pounds.
Matthew O’Brien of SB Nation was next to speculate, offering up a river of old quotes and random detritus to try to get his piece some extra traffic. Nice, but emblematic of an (er) “growing” problem with new media. Controversy gets the hits. That’s why no link for you, bro. So, once O’Brien’s post started getting retweeted all over the place, even a few Baron-hating mainstream journalists wanted to jump in and crack wise on Twitter. (Yes, I’m talking to you Tim Kawakami.) Sure, everyone talks smack on Twitter, but seriously, it’s sports media that is morbidly obese. Bloated by bloggers eager to break a story and mainstream-media types trying to keep their bona fides correct in the digital world, we’ve become a nation of sports-info fatties. Consuming every rumor 100 times before anything legit is ever revealed.
While none of us watched a weigh in a week ago Saturday, sometimes a picture speaks a thousand words. Yes, Baron could post either of us up. No, he doesn’t weigh a JaMarcus-like 260. And c’mon son, do some diligence. Pictures of Baron are everywhere. His workout partner was one of the first to publicly respond. Do some damn reporting. Don’t just slag on people for traffic. Weak sauce.
And camera don’t lie,
Turman
PS. In full disclosure, we have done some actual work for Baron in capacities unrelated to our universally regarded and 100% objective journalism here at Fear the Beard. It doesn’t matter. Start hating when you know what you’re talking about. Keep it movin’ if you want to read Kawakami’s attempt at a joke and BD’s responses. Read More »
A few years back my dad said that Adonol Foyle had sent him some poems to read. I never asked my dad what came of it, but I imagine he could have given Foyle some pointers from one former NBA Player turned poet to another. Now, the poem that Foyle released following his recent retirement announcement was not really… well, let’s just say that in terms of poems written about sports, it was no “To An Athlete Dying Young” by Auden. It’s not even as good as Common’s “I Used to Love H.E.R.” in the lover-as-metaphor genre. But, nonetheless, I got to give the man some props for trying. When was the last time I tried to write a poem? Or any of us? Poetry is not for the faint of heart, or for any dude who’s uncomfortable with his masculinity. Foyle was one of those players with a unique sense of self, who stood out in the Hop Hop and celebrity-driven NBA culture. He was a perfect fit for The Bay Area - just as comfortable reading a book in a Berkeley cafe as on the Warriors Bench.
For those who may be inclined to clown Foyle for writing poetry, I can say that, most likely, Adonal Foyle is smarter than you. The dude started a non-profit to activate students on the issue of campaign finance reform. He graduated Magna Cum Laude from Colgate with a History degree and is now working on his Masters. It’s nice to see a professional athlete whose post-sports career will probably be more interesting, and more successful, than his playing days. A future Poet Laureate he is not, but he’s also not going to be the next Antoine Walker. I imagine we’re not done hearing about Adonal Foyle.
Make the jump to read Foyle’s Poem, “Love Song to A Game”
Brandon Roy didn’t apologize for the low quality of the music, but it would have been way awesomer if he had. I’m not trying to hate too hard on Cali and Cavalli, but I did listen to this twice to make sure that it’s pretty bunk. Sorry. Said it. Meant it. It’s bunk. Not a slapper. What’s up with Seattle hip-hop anyway? It’s been a while. Like 20 years. Seattle really hasn’t put anything down on the hip-hop front since the halcyon days of $ir Mix-a-Lot. And it’s been quite a few years since you could track his posse’s actions on Broadway.
Back to B-Roy and Jamal. I understand the larger dilemma. Cali and Cavalli was down at the big summer tournament. Ballers are there. They’re trying to come up. Why not ask for a quick cameo? I was doing the same thing last weekend. But I wasn’t putting folks in videos talkin’ ’bout big trees either. And it makes sense for ballers like B-Roy and Jamal to show respect to the cats they knew from back in the day and take pictures with them and so forth. But those cats really need to show some respect back and not be putting their peeps on Front Street in their semi-bunk videos. Especially if the track’s not even a slapper and the spits are in slow motion.
Sorry, double fail for Cali and Cavalli,
Turman
PS. Read Brandon Roy’s public statement right over here. Read More »
The Baron Davis All-Star Kickball Game is a wrap. And right now James Harden’s t-shirt is asking the question that all of us are thinking. And his bearditude is also duly noted. It goes without saying that FTB will probably follow his exploits more closely this season.
The game itself provided ample excitement, a surprising amount of which was provided by an epic superfan known simply as Clipper Darryl. It also raised more than $118,000 for Baron’s charity, as Clipper Darryl reminded us all after each of his wild miscues in the field. “This is for the kids, man! This is for the kids!”
More on all of it soon, but first to find out the answer to a certain rhetorical question.
Doin’ it for the kids,
Turman (DNP, Coaches Decision) and Meschery (DNP, Injured Reserve)
Today Forbes released its list of “America’s Best Fans.” Somewhat predictably, The Golden State Warriors Fans did not make the list. Now, clearly, this was not much of a scientific ranking on the part of Forbes. This was, most likely, three dudes sitting around the newsroom tossing out names over their cubicles. If they had taken a moment to really think about it, they might have created some list of reasonable criteria, and if done smartly, some variable of fan “loyalty” would have been factored into their analysis. And, if they thought about it a little more, they would have come to the conclusion that a great measure of fan loyalty would be number of years of total team suckiness multiplied by fan attendance. So, yes, Red Sox Nation definitely makes the Loyalty cut, as do some of the others on the list. But others do not.
Let’s face it, it’s easy to root for a winner. It’s easy to perennially jump on the bandwagon. What’s hard is constructing a wagon out of twigs and manure year after year. Golden State Warriors Fans are the definition of loyal fans. Loyalty takes some effort. As the good folks at Golden State of Mind must know. Just imagine the emotional and psychological muscles being built over there by mustering up the enthusiasm to produce continuous blog posts with hundreds of comments in the middle of another 29-53 season. It’s beyond me. Even we here at FTB had to take a “mental health” break last season. It’s frickin’ Sisyphean to be a Warriors Fan. In fact, I nominate Sisyphus to be the new Warriors Mascot. Our halftime entertainment would just be a dude carrying a big ass boulder up to Club 200 every night and then the fans would throw it back down again. Repeat.
No, we don’t want a cookie, but some recognition would be nice. In an email to fellow FTB’er DTurman this morning, I wrote that anyone who endured the Vonteego Cummings era deserves a medal. To that, he replied,
I was there. Where’s my medal? Don’t make me name that whole sad squad, all rookies and end-of-the-road vets. Mookie Blaylock, Terry Cummings, and Chris Mills? I can never block this stuff out. Highlight? Chris Mills, age 72, chasing down the Blazers’ team bus to fight 15-year-old rookie Bonzi Wells.
That says it all. Our fans remember those kind of details. Those are the stories we have to hold onto. It’s like some weird form of Fan PTSD. The Red Sox Nation has Bill Buckner allowing a ground ball to go through his legs. We have Chris Mills chasing down a bus.
Turman points out that this list is “typically Forbes-ey” with its strong East Coast bias and all. It’s also typically American. We like to say that we’re a nation that roots for the underdog, but really, we only like that underdog when it’s on its way up, when it transforms into a “Cinderella.” Otherwise, in the immortal words of Queen, we got “No time for losers.”
Thanks to the work of FTB, a few years back the first “Beard Night” was held at Oracle Arena (albeit an unofficial event). Paper beards were distributed to fans. Fun was had by all. Dare I say, it was a great time out.
Last year, The Powers That Be saw the influence that stylish hair, facial and otherwise, can have on a crowd and held their own CJ Watson “Mohawk Night.” For a quiet, unassuming, back-up point guard, that’s not bad public recognition. But then again, most of our starters were injured, so it was either that or “Wear a Suit Like Your Favorite Warrior Night,” or “Guess Which Warrior is Raja Bell Night.” Seriously, CJ Watson was a Fan Favorite, so he will be missed along with other Favs, Turiaf, Randolph and, of course, our own “Chocolate Rain,” aka Anthony Morrow.
So, this leaves us with some questions about the swagger level of the current Warriors roster. And when I say swagger, I mean take a look at the picture below. I never thought I’d say it, but yes, I lightweight miss Stephen Jackson. Okay, well, maybe not enough to poison a fragile locker room ecosystem with BP-levels of toxicity, but you get the point. I guess as long as we’re winning games, it doesn’t matter how much flavor our squad has, but I don’t know if David Lee’s goatee or Steph Curry’s mouthpiece is going to get it done. Monta can’t get any more tattoos to carry this thing. So, listen Lacob, trade for some swag, smell me? James Harden’s got a nice little Baron 2.0 beard thang going on. Any other possibilities? Feel free to post ‘em in the comments peoples.
A few days late and a comment or two short, but here’s the clip showing the chippiness between former Dub Matt Barnes and Kobe Bryant. Watching the Magic tonight, with the fans chanting for the team to bring Adonal Foyle onto the floor for some garbage-time minutes, made me reminiscent. Was I really waiting for TNT to switch over from the Barnes, Foyle, Pietrus team to the D-Leaguers? Yes, I was. Did I wonder whether Nellie, et al., are tanking? Yes, after several quarters, I did. Am I wondering if Monta Ellis came back from injury solely to showcase his considerable–but seemingly self-serving–skills in a play for a better life elsewhere? How could I not?
No box score. No highlights. Instead, a video from Sunday’s action where Barnes and Kobe gave a possible preview of what might be in store for this year’s finals. Who won? You make the call. Who lost? The Dubs. Again.
Turman
PS. The NBA will probably remove this video, as it has done with several others of the incidents between the two, so if it doesn’t work by morning send mail to D. Stern.
After a brief hiatus, we now resume our regularly scheduled absurdity to report on the firing of Clippers GM Mike Dunleavy, Sr. Why wasn’t he fired as GM when he was relieved of his coaching duties some weeks back? Is there a long-term solution being lined up? Or does Donald Sterling just like being unpredictable because it adds to his air of being a mysterious and incompetent owner.
Personally, I think that Baron Davis’ beard would make a fine GM for the Clippers. Boom’s Beard has proven to add valuable swagger when clutch decisions are needed. It’s basketball IQ is off the chart. And if it can make Chris Kaman an all-star, well, I think that seals the deal. Besides, I would pay good American Dollars to hear David Stern say on draft day: “…And with the eleventh pick, Boom’s Beard and the Los Angeles Clippers select…”
The good folks at IBeatYou dot com are again sponsoring a best-beard contest. No, you can’t win by putting up a picture of Katie Holmes. Actually, maybe you could win by putting up a picture of Katie Holmes. And, now I’m gonna get sued by a crazy pint-sized Scientologist. All because Baron’s having another contest. Okay, let’s try this again. Enter, win some kicks. Try not to get sued.
Be careful out there,
Daniel Turman
PS. Looks like Anthony Morrow’s knee might be on the mend. The Warriors can’t get his shooting back in the lineup soon enough. As for his Twitter game, he’s starting to become a must read.
Just finished watching The Warriors get their twelfth W of the season in their MLK Day matinee game against The Chicago Del Negros. This also was Kids Day sponsored in part by the good people over at Golden State of Mind. So, based on the effort on the floor, I’m thinking we need more kids at games. As Ol’ Dirty Bastard said, “Keep it good kids. Cause you know I love you.” (Is there a law against quoting ODB on Martin Luther King Jr. Day? If not, probably should be. My apologies.)
Back in November, DT and I were thinking that today might be a good day to stage a boycott of The Warriors as a way of sending a message to their craptastic front office - you know, in the spirit of civil disobedience and all. However, as the injuries started to pile up, that started to seem like not such a good idea after all. Even if people went to the game and protested our ineffectual management by not buying concessions and merchandise, it would make a statement, but still probably couldn’t avoid bumming the players out. It’s not their fault that they have the luck of The Griswold’s on vacation and the most inept management in sports. Not like I feel sorry for Cohan and Rowell in the slightest (No, I don’t believe that Haitians are cursed because they made a pact with the devil, but Chris Cohan, uh, not so sure), but the team needs nothing but good vibes now. Even Don Nelson looks like a wounded puppy - albeit a hungover wounded puppy. Anyway, we’ll wait until the Dubs are healthy again to protest - maybe Cesar Chavez Day?
So, some observations of today’s game:
1. We had three D-Leaguers playing. The Warriors are single-handedly giving basketball players in places like Bakersfield, Reno and Sioux Falls a sense of hope. Hope that they can make the NBA, get in the rotation and then get injured, collecting a pay check with a view from the bench. Beats hanging out in Erie, Pennsylvania, right?
2. Defense and rebounding won the game. What a concept! D-Leaguers couldn’t shoot a lick, but came through on the glass. Stay focused on the boards D-Leaguers - we like.
3. Unless you thought that all of a sudden we started prioritizing defense, I need only mention that Monta Ellis took 39 shots and still Maggette scored 32 and Curry 26. Uh, that means we were trying to score…a lot.
4. And finally, I realized that Monta Ellis shoots a higher percentage with his trick, behind-the-back-from-the-tunnel shot than Biedrins has from the free throw line. This is disturbing. Maybe we can convince The League to let Monta take that shot each time Biedrins gets fouled in the act of shooting. C’mon Stern, fans would love it. It’s a win-win for everyone.
M. Meschery
PS - my wife will be seated on the floor at The Fakers v. Orlando game tonight. I told her she has my blessing to cheer for ex-Warriors (except Derrick Fisher) and Dwight Howard’s biceps. If I see her on TNT jumping up and down and high-fiving Andy Garcia after a Kobe dunk, trust me, there will be consequences.
