The good folks over at Joe Sports Fan dot com figured out another way to enjoy tonight’s game. That’s right peeps, bingo. But not just any bingo. This is white basketball player cliche bingo! Without going into much more on that, I’ll just point you to the appropriate link to cop four cards to enhance your viewing experience. Here you go.
Nice job, Joe.
Turman
PS. Duke senior Brian Zoubek was quoted in today’s Herald Sun telling all who would listen to, “Fear the beard.” Hey man, first Jacob Pullen and now this? Make the jump for the whole exchange. Read More »
I’m going to Oracle Arena tonight to watch the Warriors play the Knicks. One of the reasons I’m going is so I can wear this shirt. While I’m a Warriors fan, I honestly have a serious soft spot for the Knicks. Big-market team with denizens of faithful fans, who also spend many a fourth quarter with their heads in their hands glad that they got that extra beer before the third quarter ended. Sound familiar? That’s why I’m wearing this shirt tonight. The Knicks deserve a reprieve. Why not the prize of the offseason free-agent pool, LeBron James?
A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of working with a talented young art director named Ivan Cash. After about three minutes of casual conversation, both of us realized that we had a similar problem. We both loved bad teams too much. In his case, however, he was actually arrested for it. See, while living in NYC, young Ivan had printed up t-shirts reading, “Don’t hate the player or the game, hate the coach.” At the time, that was a certain Mr. Thomas, he of the inept personnel decisions and sexual-harassment scandals.
Ivan’s latest work combines Milton Glaser’s iconic graphic artistry with a heartfelt plea to restore dignity to one of the cornerstone franchises of the league. Buy one here, if you’re feeling sympathetic to a metropolis that deserves better. It’s certainly sexier than an “I Larry Ellison Oakland” t-shirt, although if anyone has any better ideas I’ll happily forward them to Mr. Cash.
Turman
PS. Keys to the game? Uh, try to suit up at least six guys and score lots. I’m setting the over/under at 280 for this one. Also thanks to Atma Brother One over at the mighty Golden State of mind for the invite. Apparently, he’s thinking along similar lines.
In the last couple of days, it has become clear. The Golden State Warriors are for sale. Also clear is the fact that you, Larry Ellison—of Oracle Corporation, as well as the recent America’s Cup victory—appear to be the leading candidate to purchase the team. Mr. Ellison, I would like to propose a partnership of sorts.
Let me explain. If you don’t mind, I would like to posit a radical alternative to traditional ownership models. Actually, it’s not really that radical when you think about it. It’s an ownership model that your company—Oracle—already employs, that of a publicly traded corporation. It’s nothing new to you. In fact, your history of running this particular corporation shows me that you are uniquely qualified to balance the needs of shareholders against the opportunities and decisive action that running a large-scale enterprise requires. Let’s just do this in a different arena, so to speak.
Essentially, the ask is this: buy the Warriors and take them public. Be the guy who gives the team back to the fans who still believe.
Think about it. First, you would instantly become one of the most revered figures in Bay Area sports history. You would have liberated some of the most loyal fans in sports from the tyranny of incompetence. Just buying the team would be liberating, but I say take it a step further. Of course, you’d still get to be “the man” and exercise a controlling interest—just like at Oracle. But there would also be a board of directors voted in by shareholding fans. Instantly, the team becomes a model franchise and a cause célèbre, a rarefied story of We Believe becoming something more like We Are All Warriors. Read More »
After a brief hiatus, we now resume our regularly scheduled absurdity to report on the firing of Clippers GM Mike Dunleavy, Sr. Why wasn’t he fired as GM when he was relieved of his coaching duties some weeks back? Is there a long-term solution being lined up? Or does Donald Sterling just like being unpredictable because it adds to his air of being a mysterious and incompetent owner.
Personally, I think that Baron Davis’ beard would make a fine GM for the Clippers. Boom’s Beard has proven to add valuable swagger when clutch decisions are needed. It’s basketball IQ is off the chart. And if it can make Chris Kaman an all-star, well, I think that seals the deal. Besides, I would pay good American Dollars to hear David Stern say on draft day: “…And with the eleventh pick, Boom’s Beard and the Los Angeles Clippers select…”
The good folks at IBeatYou dot com are again sponsoring a best-beard contest. No, you can’t win by putting up a picture of Katie Holmes. Actually, maybe you could win by putting up a picture of Katie Holmes. And, now I’m gonna get sued by a crazy pint-sized Scientologist. All because Baron’s having another contest. Okay, let’s try this again. Enter, win some kicks. Try not to get sued.
Be careful out there,
Daniel Turman
PS. Looks like Anthony Morrow’s knee might be on the mend. The Warriors can’t get his shooting back in the lineup soon enough. As for his Twitter game, he’s starting to become a must read.
When I first caught wind of this, I was sort of pissed off. I mean seriously. Come on college kids. Think of your own damn concept. But no. You take the name. The PaperBeard™ idea. Certain graphical elements. And yeah. Did I get an e-mail? Nope. A “Hey, we’ve got this really rad bearded point guard and we want to borrow your concept for a few months? Is that cool?” Not so much.
Not cool, Kansas State. Not cool.
On the other hand, I’m not all that perturbed really. Jacob Pullen, the bearded point guard in question, clearly has ignited fan interest in a team that just knocked off highly ranked rival Texas last week, before dropping one to Oklahoma State. They’re eleventh in the country. Their best player has signature facial hair. And half of the home crowd has on a PaperBeard™ during the game. I can’t really hate on that. As much as I would have liked for FTB to be consulted before the hijacking, there’s so much that’s right about this that I’m more inclined to get on the Pullen bandwagon. I mean seriously, how can I not look at the scene and want to pull for them? How many people can turn on the TV and see a prominent college baller rocking an Abe Lincoln beard on his way to 19 points a game with the student section wearing PaperBeard™ and t-shirt ideas stolen from them?
Well, three of us at least.
In fact, I’ll probably start following and covering their games every once in a while. They play Baylor tonight. Not sure where that finds a home on my 800 channels of hoops but I’ll poke around. They sit third in the big 12, where often annoyingly sanctimonious Kansas teams always rule with an iron fist. I’ll do some more scouting on Pullen, but the short is that he’s an explosive six footer originally from Illinois. Maybe I’ll even call the PR department over there in Manhattan Kansas and see if I can get an interview request through. Or a couple of press passes and a Fun Saver fare on Southwest.
After all, they do owe us something.
Turman
Props to the bloggers at (irony alert) Larry Brown Sports for connecting the dots for me.
Big day for The Beard. First, he drops a celeb-studded video tour of New York. Then he suits up for a road game in Memphis and goes absolutely berserk in the first half, nearly recording a triple-double by halftime. So what happens? An “emergency” requires the evacuation of the entire arena (fans, players, media, and all) in the third quarter. Really? Really.
A water-main break. Mandatory evacuation. With the Clippers up 12. Announced via Jumbotron while Baron is at the line shooting two. I guess the scouting report on Boom was that the way to cool him off was to send him out into a freezing parking lot to sit on the team bus for a half an hour, while the custodians slowly turn the spigot to the “off” position. Okay. Right.
Game resumes. Cold Clippers go on to lose by two. I’m not sure when the last time a hot player was shut down in the fourth by the janitorial staff, but Baron still finished his day with 27, 12, 12, and 5 steals. And two videos. Frankly, I’m not sure what, of all of this, was the most remarkable. As for the vids, watch ‘em back to back. You tell me.
Team chemistry is a tenuous thing. But how to cultivate it? Apparently, if Steve Nash is your point guard you might find yourself on YouTube singing a Lionel Ritchie song in such an effort.
Works for me. I’d play for this team for free. I haven’t seen a team singalong look this fun since The White Shadow. But Barbosa’s is the breakout star here. Especially with that strange sheep-like vibrato thing he does at the end.
But remember too, this team is 18-9 heading into the holidays. They’re solidly fourth in the playoff picture when not many folks were even predicting them to be in the conversation. Reason? Lionel Ritchie. Lakers take heed.
With another exemption from the league to pluck a big from the D-League, the Warriors once again have the opportunity to be the epicenter of the Boom Tho moment. At least for a couple of weeks. And why not? He’s on Dime Mag’s D-League hot list. He’s a 16 and 9 guy as a Reno Bighorn. He’s 6′11″, which makes him, well tall. And he seems to like rebounding. Rebounding! He’s even a local Internet treasure. Imagine that Warriors! Good PR. From a personnel decision, even. Our friends at GSoM already beat me to the punch on this, but their vast readership soundly endorses the move, via polling results. So, can we get us some Boom Tho?
For the unfamiliar, Rod Benson is a former Cal Bear big, who is probably most well known for his enthusiastic and fully entertaining blogging. He relentlessly chronicles life in the D-League, both for Yahoo’s Ball Don’t Lie and for his own Too Much Rod Benson. So, it would be like a win for everyone. Readers would finally get Benson’s thoughts and reactions to this long-awaited moment. And the Warriors would be instantly relevant to his fairly extensive readership for giving dude a chance.
The only downside that I can see is that there’s about a 76% likelihood that he’d suffer some manner of season-ending injury within a week, since he’d be over 6′4″ and playing for the Warriors. But hey, it’s a risk I’m sure he’d be willing to take for his chance to finally live the dream. And Warriors, if you act now, he could probably drive down from Reno and be suited up tonight. Otherwise, I’m still available. You know the scouting report from the post-game Oracle shenanigans last year. Limited lateral mobility. Foul prone. But I’m just under 6′4″, so at least I shouldn’t be requiring any surgery.
Turman
PS. Warrior and NBA blogger/writer/TV personality Matt Steinmetz is still embracing new media in new ways. Now he’s hosting a weekly chat on Thursday at noon. He’s prediction for tonight’s game is to watch out for Gilbert Arenas. He’ll be “on one.” Okay, he didn’t say it quite like that. But he’s right. Gil will be in Mac Dre mode: in the building and feeling himself.
Before I say anything beyond the title of this post, let me say this. I like Cool Hunting. And I like many of the businesses that they featured in this video. Now. However. I like Oakland too. I was born there. I’ve lived there. And I’ve grappled a bit with how to say this. But, seriously, if you can go to Oakland to shoot a video about cool things happening there and come up with a “diversity fail” this egregious, one has to wonder. Nonetheless, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m not sure I should. But I will.
I’m not going to rattle off a list of things that should or could be in this video. Nor will I disparage any of the fine, well-meaning business and individuals portrayed here. We FTB’ers and our associates know and like many of them. Let’s let the video you’ve made stay right where it is. But let’s call it “part one.” Why don’t I frame this as a challenge: come on back Cool Hunting. Give us our part two. A wee mea culpa and some diligent location and personality scouting on your part could right the wrong. It wouldn’t be that hard. You might need a couple of cultural interpreters on hand, given the way part one went, but I think you can do it. Because, I’m sorry. A couple of black dudes in background shots, a shot of a taco truck, and a pass through on a Chinatown sandwich shop ain’t good enough.
Few cities in the United States could use the opportunity to portray the advantages of diversity any more than Oakland. These advantages are real. And they absolutely enhance the cool factor of what in some circles is known as Tha Town. And I know you can try harder. Because you did when you were in Baltimore (with the same production team). So, let’s go Cool Hunting. I’m not saying you need to thizz it up with Mr. FAB at a Friday night sideshow in some misguided attempt to keep it real. All I’m saying is give it another shot. Stick to the kind of culture you cover. And do it the way you do, by word of mouth. Just ask a few more people. It’ll be easy. Hit me up if you want a freebie or two. But it really is a huge part of what makes living in the East Bay special. And part one misses this. And in the process, you’ve put a huge gaping hole in the portrayal of our cool.
So, part two. It’ll be great. Besides, I’m sure a few African-American, Latino, and Asian business could use some of the free publicity too. Everyone will win. Come on back Cool Hunting, we promise you’ll find just as much cool, just maybe with a little more of the true local flavor that makes Oakland what it is. And in the process, you’ll distance yourself from the allegations of “uncool” that are starting to pile up in your video’s comments on YouTube.
