Beard Kooks walk among us.

10.8.2008 | 11:07 pm | Hater Tuesdays, Pogonophobia, The Warriors

This picture comes courtesy of my friend Chris Nieratko over at chrisnieratko.com. It was tagged “Beard Kook.” I don’t know what a “Beard Kook” is but I’m going to nominate this guy to take Thunder’s place as the new Warriors mascot. For one thing, I’m pretty sure this dude has supernatural powers. His name is probably Ved or Od or some other mono-syllabic Earthsea Trilogy-type name. He’ll certainly be able to conjure up the power of the ocean through that beard wave he’s got flowing from his temple. And don’t underestimate the cosmic force of those magic shells and beads around his neck. They provide the power of getting laid at any Jack Johnson concert.

Okay, maybe he doesn’t have super powers enough to get the Warriors to the playoffs, but I definitely think he could at least be Ronny Turiaf’s sidekick.  I want to see this dude kiteboarding with Ronny in the parking lot of the Oracle before a game, breezing in on a wave of Nag Champa. I want to see him cast a spell that calls upon two golden hummingbirds to braid-up Ronny’s hair just how he likes it.

I remember a long time ago, when we were young and naive, we were soliciting the FTB community for design ideas for Baron’s beard. Now, after seeing this picture, I’m glad that none of you put forth any ideas, and thank little baby Jesus that BD didn’t follow through. Beard design is for tools, or people who can speak to dragons in dragon tongue and whose ball sweat is aromatherapeutic. In other words, let’s leave the beard design to the beard kooks. Happy belated Hater Tuesday.

M. Meschery