“The 48 Laws of Power” as applied to the Team USA, Law 19: know who you are dealing with–do not offend the wrong person.

08.10.2008 | 10:35 pm | 48 Laws of Power

I didn’t even see it. I was driving home from a weekend in the mountains. Who cares about the Olympics? I went for a five-mile run in the shadow of Mount Lassen. I ate a bacon-wrapped steak. Swam in an alpine lake. I was living it up. Kobe who?

Oh yeah. That guy. Once I got home, I booted up the old ‘puter to find out that the Redeem Team had trounced China. Copped the video from YouTube. Quite a few dunks. A whole lot of dunks. Nah, no need for any layups when the Beijing-ers clearly would prefer to see the home team play against Americans doing dunk stunts as if on Kung Fu Theater wires. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Vince Carter”-style. But after it was all over, leave it to Kobe to say just the right thing to a billion slightly bummed out people. He’s good like that.

“Look, I had five dunks in one game. That’s because of the crowd. Last time I had five dunks in a game I was like 17. So that’s all because of the energy in this crowd,” Bryant said. “I think they knew that history was being made tonight and obviously it was a proud moment for their country as it was for ours. You could feel the electricity.”

Good thing GW Bush was on hand in case anyone needed a second opinion as to how we’re like totally dominant. And cooler than a Panda bear’s toenails. It’s the electricity, yo.

Just so we’re clear on this, y’all know that China holds enough of the United States’ national debt that if they call in the chips we’re all like totally firkin’ farkin’ finished, right. Please, my house notes of the future and I would ask, politely, for a few more layups. And a couple of nicely worded, respectful statements.

And if you think I’m tripping, remember that our national debt is now sitting at $9.5 trillion. That’s more than $31,000 for each of us. Of that 31 large, China’s percentage of the holdings is the second largest. And with a centralized government, the bank that we’re borrowing from can decide that they don’t want to lend us any more scrilla faster than moms used to put the cookies up. And that would put the clamps on my camping faster than $10 a gallon gas. Oh, but wait, with fewer purchasers for our public debt, the feds would have to tax something, so maybe we’d get that too. Oh man. Where’s my remote. Serenity now! Off to the Water Cube I go. Where’s the soothing voice of Bob Costas when I need him?

Know who you’re talking to folks. Keep it classy.

Turman

PS. Go USA anyway. But dang. A lot people are kind of hating us right now. Actively. Let’s not assume that everyone on the hardwood is stoked to get whomped on. Especially not the host country.