Dude, wait. What? Brad Federline suspended by NBA?
When Sacramento King Brad Miller was popped by the NBA the other day, presumably for a third positive marijuana test, he was lucky. There’s an old adage in show biz. Save your biggest mistakes for Friday, when everyone stops paying attention for three days. But still, how is it that the one-time cornrow sympathizin’, K-Fed resemblin’ Miller barely managed to raise an eyebrow with his getting suspended for the first five games of the season outside of Sactown? Sure, there was the obligatory press conference, replete with standard-issue forced apology and (presumably) contrite staring at the mic stand. But where was the media outrage that was heaped on Josh Howard just a few short weeks ago just for saying that he likes to smoke during the off season? There are lots of comments on Ziller’s blog, but that’s about it.
Personally, if I was staring down free agency and Sacramento came a-callin’, proximity to Humboldt County is one of the region’s primary positive attributes. Or at least it would be if I was gonna be bored, rich and living in Sacramento. Is it any accident that the ultra-lenient and apparently pretty predictable testing cycle has managed to ensnare three prominent and extremely well compensated Kings in less than a decade? Not a huge secret, but C-Webb and White Chocolate (J-Will) were the others. Miller is the highest paid King on the current roster and if I’m reading the NBAPA’s Collective Bargaining Agreement right, there aren’t many other offenses that would result in this particular suspension. Dude. Who kiped his doobage and zarked him out?
While there doesn’t seem to be much outrage, since apparently that is reserved only for cats that happen to be a bit mo’ browner, outspoken and (ahem) discreet, should Kings fans finally decide that they’ve had enough of the demon weed, I’m sure that they can get Scott Pollard back on the cheap. Riiiggghhhtttt. Otherwise, expect more of same. The aggregated powers will continue to prove to be too great. Relative proximity to the world’s great big bong stoker of a forest, abundantly available medical-MJ cards, and not that much to do? For super-rich 24 year olds? Please.
Just call Josh and learn how to beat the test already,
Turman
PS. Brad, I’m sorry. I don’t care that you got popped. But I still had to put you on cornrow blast. I’ve been waiting. Pollard didn’t even go there. You stepped across the, er, “Feder” line.
PPS. Dude, wait. Explain. Why does the league care about this again? It’s not exactly a performance enhancer. And with some of the chronic injuries these cats deal with, I’m sure that at least one or two could consume legally, right? At least in Cali. Comments?
Regarding cornrows, I think Pollard would have gone there had his hairline not been receding. That’s why he had to go to the blond dye-job back when he was on the Kings. Takes the attention away from a white dude’s ever-growing forehead.
Great call on Miller/Federline, but how can we be sure Miller was caught with THC in his system? Maybe you’re right and he was caught for overconsuming Humboldt’s biggest cash crop, but are we sure Miller wasn’t caught with some other drug in his system, maybe K-Fed and Britney’s favorite white powder, perhaps?
The NBA has made a practice of not announcing what exact drugs their players are suspended for, but if they were testing for weed as strictly as they want us to believe, wouldn’t half the league be facing suspensions pretty much every season? Otherwise, how would Lamar Odom been able to play an entire season and four playoff rounds this year?
I agree that the lack of uproar over FederMiller might have more to do with his skin pigmentation than the timing of his suspension. However, I wouldn’t go so far as to say Miller wasn’t caught with something in his system more along the lines of what Jaguars receiver Matt Jones was caught cutting up with that credit card in that parking lot in Arkansas earlier this week.
Great post though, and excellent Humboldt knowledge.
Comment by BayAreaSportsGuy | 07.13.2008 | 12:24 pm
It was definitely the evil weed. The suspension for “drugs of abuse” is much longer.
Which brings up an interesting point; if Marijuana is not classified in the language of the drug agreement as either a drug of abuse, or a performance-enhancer, than why in the name of Peter Tosh are they testing for it? Stupid.
Since they do test, maybe Brad should have tried to outsmart the test.
http://www.whizzinator.com
Comment by beardedbarman | 07.13.2008 | 12:46 pm
Those corn rows send a more harmful message to the kids than smoking the purple urple, but who knows, maybe they’re performance-enhancing.
Comment by matthewmeschery | 07.13.2008 | 1:28 pm
It’s true, I got my drug policies confused. They’re almost as confusing as salary caps.
You know, who can blame Brad for self-medicating after a long career with the Kings…trying to follow in Vlade Divac’s footsteps is an impossible mission. The flops, the beard, Miller never had a chance.
I think the cornrows are probably from a bet he made with…Quincy Douby.
Comment by BayAreaSportsGuy | 07.13.2008 | 9:35 pm
Ha. I was waiting for a Douby reference. Good on ya. But yeah. In the previous collective bargaining agreement, there was some ambiguity, as a third weed ding and first-time ‘roid users were both punished with the five gamer. Now, there isn’t so much left to question. And dude, once Vlade gave up his halftime cigarette, I’m pretty sure that VD soothed the pain caused by falling backwards so violently with a little post-game hit of the OG Kush.
Comment by admin | 07.13.2008 | 10:37 pm