Tim Kawakami of the Mercury News dies in battle with ESPN’s NBA Trade Machine.
At 3:45 pm on July 9th, 2008, sports writer and blogger Tim Kawakami died in a classic battle of man versus machine. After 7 straight days of blogging fueled by Sparks Malt Liquor and a lingering contempt for Baron Davis, Tim Kawakami wrote his final post. Leading up to his battle with the NBA Trade Machine, Kawakami was feeling confident practicing his skills in the areas of capalogy, salaryology, and luxury taxology by speculating on various free agent scenarios for the Golden State Warriors. He considered his mid-level exception assesment of unrestricted free agent Gordan Giricek as one of his finest moments.
It was after The Golden State Warriors lost their bid for Elton Brand and committed to sign another former Clipper, Corey Maggette, that Kawakami decided he was ready to take on The Trade Machine. He’s always considered himself an amateur in the world of tradeology, and its more complex cousin, “sign and tradeology,” but the Sparks were kicking in and, in his own words, he was “feeling unstoppable.” Kawakami came out swinging:
“If the Warriors offered Al Harrington and a protected future No. 1 pick, and took back Crawford and the horrible contract of Zach Randolph, would the Knicks bite?”
The Trade Machine, emotionless, responded “This Trade Failed!” Kawakami didn’t give up and he returned with yet another trade, and another, and another. And on it went like this for 37 hours straight. In the end, like a blogging John Henry, Kawakami finally defeated the formidable Machine of NBA Trades with an unexpected trade of Kosta Perovic and C.J. Watson to The Denver Nuggest for Linas Kleiza. Kawakami collapsed, face down on his blood spattered keyboard. His last words were “Now, finally, the Warriors can have the rebounding, defensive-minded forward with a mid-range jumper that they so desperately need.”
Services will be hosted July 15th on blogspot.com. TK RIP
M. Meschery
If Tim Kawakami had an all-purpose “Trade Machine” in his basement he would totally trade himself and Marcus Thompson III to the Chronicle for an aging Scott Ostler. Because the numbers would totally work. And the West County Times/Oaktown Trib/San Jo Merc could totally fit Ostler in under the cap based on all of their inflated circulation numbers and shit.
Comment by admin | 07.9.2008 | 11:00 pm
did he have a blue bull like john henry as well???
Comment by robcollins | 07.10.2008 | 12:34 am
John Henry was the “Steel Drivin’ Man” no blue bull required, so the answer is no, Tim Kawakami didn’t even have a red bull. My boy only got down with Sparks.
Comment by matthewmeschery | 07.10.2008 | 7:38 am
“Babe” the Blue Ox was the sidekick to that famously bearded uber-lumberjack, Paul Bunyan.
I’ll take US Legends for 300 please.
Seriously though. Post of the month Meschery. Well done.
Comment by admin | 07.10.2008 | 9:53 am
With Rick Reilly going to ESPN for cash considerations and a writer to be named later, it looks like SI is looking to dump salaries. The Chronicle should sign and trade for someone like Jack McCallum or perhaps sign a younger writer like Ian Thomsen…
Comment by alanwilliams | 07.10.2008 | 2:33 pm
I knew that was Kawakami in the Panhandle, drinking out of an unknown shiny tall-can and muttering to his laptop about “Base Year Compensation.” He even broke up an impending crack sale between two hobos, telling them the crack wasn’t even worth D.J. Mbenga, let alone $18 and a can of Old E.
Then he started interviewing some guy at the basketball court because he thought the unemployed Panhandle baller was Ronny Turiaf.
I’m going to go to the corner and buy some Sparks.
Comment by BayAreaSportsGuy | 07.10.2008 | 4:09 pm