Postcard from Florida, part four: Pat Croce really likes pirates.
Key West likes pirates. And given that there’s a famous historical stronghold of piracy off the western tip of the island, it should come as no surprise that pirates are pretty big here. But who knew the extent?
As it turns out, onetime motivational speaker and former owner of the Philadelphia 76ers, Pat Croce, really likes pirates too. He likes them a lot. Seriously. A lot lot. I had no idea how much until earlier today. I knew that Allen Iverson was sort of pirate-like, but that was just the tip of the, er, sabre. How much does he like pirates, you ask? Well, he has a pirate themed restaurant and bar, The Rum Barrel, in Key West for starters. And as it turns out, the restaurant is a co-sponsoring a giant city-wide, pirate-themed festivus that begins today—the Pirates in Paradise Festival, as it were—with everything from historical reenactments to heavy rum consumption to authenticate the proceedings. But perhaps more impressive is Croce’s Pirate Museum. In addition to a diverse arsenal of weapons used by actual pirates, his stash includes one of only two original (read: real) Jolly Roger flags still extant and the only validated pirate treasure chest.
Make the jump and vote for the best pirate in sports.
Frankly, it all made me miss Pat. He should have stayed on in the sports world. And he managed to plunder (with Iverson as consigliere) all the way to the NBA finals. In fact, piracy can work pretty well in professional sports. And with the senility of Al Davis close at hand, where can we turn. I say we need more pirate-style ownership entities right about now. But frankly there aren’t even enough qualified applicants. Mark Cuban is a perpetrator pirate. The Glazer family? Some of the right qualities, but not nearly enough of them. The Maloof Brothers? They’ll definitely pillage your ass if you book a room at The Palms or stay too long at the tables, but otherwise they’re more inclined toward khakis than cutlasses. Nonetheless, their pirate cred is enhanced by the fact that they are currently employing Ron Artest.
So, with all this in mind, who is the best owner/pirate in sports today? The best athlete/pirate? Cut to the comments to cast ye vote. Methinks he requireth a beard.
Yaarrggh!
Turman
Me thinks Skinner from ye’ old Suns looks like a Brethren of the Coast. But avast! Arizona is far from the sailor’s salty sea. No matter, Meschery has dubbed this landlubber, “Yellow Beard”.
Below see Yellow Beard driving against the new Floridian, and old Warrior matey, Adonal.
Comment by guthriedolin | 11.30.2007 | 8:28 pm
How ’bout ‘Sheed?
He needs a good pirate name…
Comment by cocomotion | 12.1.2007 | 1:01 am
Ahoy Cocomotion! Aye, that be “Gray Patch” Wallace. Fer that gray patch on top his dome from when his dear ol’ ma dropped lil’ Sheed.
And don’t forget about the local buccaneer “Diablo El Cerrito”.
Comment by guthriedolin | 12.1.2007 | 9:31 am
I was going to say Pau Gasol, but he looks more caveman than pirate. As for the most pirate-looking motherfucker, I think that has to go to Bill Walton. Anyone disagree?
Comment by matthewmeschery | 12.1.2007 | 6:59 pm
The looks must be backed up by actions, both on and off the field. Otherwise, we’d be talking about Robert Gallery and shit. They gots to be straight plundering to qualify. Garnett is close. Walton’s in, but he’s a bit of a whiner to be on a boat with for very long. [”I cannot believe that this mainsail is stuck again. This is just inexcusable for a proper sailing vessel!] ‘Sheed? In. Emphatically. Garnett? Needs more booty (i.e., a certain gilded ring or a good run at one).
Pirates: Rodman, Tatum, Eckersley
Where I get stuck is with owners and coaches. Ditka? Maybe. Not quite rogue enough. Parcells? Too cleancut. Paul Allen owned the infamous “JailBlazers” teams and seemed to be into it, but he’s cleaner than my accountant. Ted Turner might get on the boat. Plus, he has ACTUAL SAILING EXPERIENCE. And he’s definitely a rogue interloper of sorts.
Comment by admin | 12.1.2007 | 8:40 pm
Yep, Pau Gasol is on newly GEICO sponsored all-caveman team. He along with Chris “Captain Cavemen!” Kaman are shoo-ins to lead the team in grunts and knuckle draggin’. They may try getting Oden to join-up when he’s healthy. He’ll need to scruff up his look to make the squad.
Comment by guthriedolin | 12.1.2007 | 9:16 pm
In the words of my favorite lady pirate, Anne Bonny: “Women who behave rarely make history”.
Therefor I nominate none other than Jackie Christie for the all-pirate team. Arg. Ye go girl.
Comment by kelleybarry | 12.2.2007 | 5:12 pm
There’s that deadly purse to consider. And some tats. A fair measure of success too.
Comment by admin | 12.3.2007 | 1:13 pm
and i believe she will claw your eyes out if you step to her booty.
Comment by kelleybarry | 12.4.2007 | 10:14 am
[…] trip though, BD. Al Thornton is nice. But I digress. Former 76′ers owner Pat Croce loves pirates. He even owns a pirate-themed restaurant and museum. Coincidence? Not so […]
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