Jazzbots, meet Bumblebeard!

10.16.2007 | 11:58 pm | Pogonophobia, The Warriors, Town Business, Zee Blog Juice

Jazzbots. I see. This is what we’ve come to.

Improbably, the Utah Jazz recently became the first NBA team to host a blog manned by fans—Jazzbots, appropriately enough—with allegedly impartial opinions. While I’m sure that the largely homogenous state population will be far more self-regulating and “impartial” than might be the case in almost any other NBA locale, the Salt Lakers are nonetheless on the vanguard. Sort of.

See on the one hand, the Jazz really tried. According to the site, they added a tool that allows users to, “import and access your other social networks like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn without ever leaving the Jazzbots community.” Okay. Then they hired a crew comprised entirely of sky-blue-bleeding Jazz fans. Well, mostly. A couple of hired-gun writers. And some local media personalities. And two elementary-school teachers, at least one of whom is apparently a fan.

But I’m not hating! Schoolteachers! If this gets back to you, I’m into parataxis and sentence frags. That’s just how I roll. I’m a professional. Don’t try this at home. I live in an, er, permissive community. Diversity central, if you will. Which begs a couple of thoughts. Well actually, it begs me to say something about why this is bunk, best intentions and good interface aside.

Make the jump for the reason why Bumblebeard needs to put the Jazzbot on blast.

So, the rub. This community site, which is housed on the official Jazz site, does an admirable job marrying technology with communal ambition. Except for the fact that it omits (unless I am mistaken) the entirety of the pre-existing Jazz community. I mean, just last spring we were throwing down a blog facial on Harpringsucks.com. Where are they? Not worthy of Jazzbotdom? I actually kind of like them. And there are others. But why name check them. The point isn’t them. It’s the snub that they got from the ‘Bots in the executive suite. Or is this just another version of the traditional, awkward embrace that old money gives to new media? Either way, the fans who were really putting it down just kinda got Dikembe’d by the franchise.

Which brings us to the Golden State Warriors. And how they could—were they so inclined—put together a community site that would totally raise up and transform on Jazzbots.com like Bumblebeard and then throw something horrific down on the Jazzbots’ collective digital craniums. How so, you say? What would it have to do, you ask? Simple. Integrate Warriors-blogger feeds from Yardbarker and Ballhype in a stylish interface that would already include posts from Golden State of Mind, Sey Hey and, well, your own point guard. Add official team input like Jim Barnett’s fine preseason video blog. And then save room for us. Because we brought it to your attention. Better still, we can even reach out to the community and try to build it for you. For reals. Yo! Erin, Jason, Pete, Atma, Lil’ B. What it do? C’mon Dubs. Season tickets for a few people for a decade or two would be such a small price to pay for the unstoppable Voltron of an NBA fan community.

So, what say you, Dubs? We can push the rock up with certifiable storyhandlers, dish some tasty dimes of graphic design, hit the open commentary, are buttery smooth with the technology and can even rise up and throw down a monster critique on a substandard community site when the game’s on the line. Seriously, the free-agent fan you signed is good, but you need fans who can play all five positions. Holler at your community. We’re making their widgets, dammit. Well, Widgetbox is anyway. But they’re reading us.

And let us know if you want a Flash animation of the Jazzbot getting his head blown off by Bumblebeard to show on the Jumbotron on opening night over the strains of a new version of the “I Got Five on It (Boom Dizzle Remix).” Animators and rappers are standing by.

Daniel Turman

PS. if you look at him again, with his strong chin and pointy head, the Jazzbot bears a familial resemblance to a certain unhappy Russian forward. No?

PPS. Intellectual property rights being what they are, the timestamp on my MS Word document should serve well enough in court if I see this idea pop up on some other team’s site. So back off, bitches!