Adonal Foyle epilogue: farewell gentle giant.

09.9.2007 | 10:29 pm | East Bay Grease, Fun with Ex Warriors, Mad Russian's Poetry Corner, The Warriors

Fear the Beard colleague and newly annointed contributing editor, the bearded (former) barman Dylan O’Brien, dropped this in the FTB inbox the other night. He, like several of us, spent more than a few minutes trolling around the surreal domain that is adonalfoyle.com. So please, read to achieve.

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Perhaps nothing symbolizes the pre-Nellie/Baron Warrior futility better than the career of Adonal Foyle. Prior to his buyout/release from the Dubs last month, Foyle was by far the longest tenured, most educated, and kindest Warrior. Unfortunately he also epitomized the terrible drafting strategy and desperate contract offers of the St. Jean and early Mullin eras. His limited skill set offered nothing that Nellie wanted, and thus he was relegated to the bench all of last season.

Hailing from Canouan in the tiny Caribbean atoll of St. Vincent and the Grenadines, he was raised by his Grandmother and his Donkey (you can’t make this stuff up). He became the NCAA’s all time leading shot blocker while at Colgate in addition to graduating Magna Cum Laude (take that, Steven Jackson!) with a degree in History. Adonal was taken with the eighth pick in the 97′ draft, one pick ahead of Tracy McGrady. As a side note, Adonal was also drafted ahead of God Shammgod, one of the greatest athlete names OF ALL TIME! (See also Miroslav Satan, Dick Trickle, Buster Rhymes, Coco Crisp, Fat Lever, and He Hate Me.) Shammgod wasn’t much of a player, but why not draft him just to have God on your side?

Make the jump for the stunning conclusion in the form of Adonal Foyle’s poetry.

While we’re on the subject of late 90’s futility, let’s take a moment to thank our respective Shammgods that Gary St. Jean no longer makes personnel decisions for your Golden State Warriors. I mean, Adonal before T-Mac? Way to go, Gary! Bet you thought he’d fit perfectly with your imposing front line of Clifford Rozier, Andrew DeClerq, Todd Fuller, and Joe Smith. Next stop, the NBA Finals!

For reasons unknown even to God, Mully signed Foyle to a $42 million, 5-year contract before the 05′ season. He continued to do what he’d always done (block shots, miss shots, push for campaign-finance reform), but now he was doing it for $8.5 million a year. The emergence of Andris Biedrins, coupled with the trade for Al Harrington effectively ended his GSW career. Sadly, after toiling for 10 years for the shittiest team in the NBA, Adonal logged only 6 minutes in the Warriors magical playoff run. Now he has been signed by the Orlando Magic to back up Dwight Howard and provide a veteran presence for a young team.

So I bid you adieu, Gentle Giant, with a poem that you wrote entitled “Indifference”.

I miss the cocks that shout out loud
Arise, arise you wretched sloth.
The day has dawned and passeth by
Dragging night’s drape across the cloud.
I miss the beach, the sand that’s pure.
The water that makes the land secure.
Its reef, a quilt with blinding hews,
Adorns the painted mystic view.

I miss the pain I ever hate
Whips and ropes, my haunting fate.
One does not only love the good,
But grows in disdain, misunderstood.

I miss the face of those trusted few.
Whose love was but a weakness too.
Home, illusion of bucolic paradise,
The rosy dew, and stinging lies.

-Adonal Foyle

We’ll miss you too,

Bearded Barman